


Can't Quit You

by AmbecaWatson



Series: Just little old unkillable prompts [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Castiel, Doctor Castiel, M/M, Meddling Gabriel, Pranking Gabriel, Stripper Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-25 06:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4950970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbecaWatson/pseuds/AmbecaWatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Castiel and his brother Gabriel go to Vegas, get drunk and Cas wakes up the next morning next to a gorgeous stripper named Dean he picked up the night before, both of them with wedding bands on their fingers now. Oopsie? </p><p> </p><p>  <img/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CassondraWinchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassondraWinchester/gifts).



“Little bro, you really need to get out more,” was what his brother Gabriel had said and Castiel had grudgingly admitted that he was right about that. He worked long hours; had to, because interning at a hospital basically left you no spare time at all, 36 hour shifts on the agenda constantly, so that Castiel sometimes had the feeling that his apartment resented him for how little it got to see him.

The pipes were leaky and the heating fickle, the windows creaked and one time he had held one in his hand entirely as he tried to open it. His plants seeming like they were aching with the burning hot sun of the afternoon slowly baking them until they were dry and crumpling and Castiel had to throw them away.

When he was in the hospital, he was running from job to job and although he had many friends among his fellow interns, there were none who he trusted enough to be true friends with. He knew that given the chance they would try to screw him over to get the more interesting case and that didn’t make them more than good drinking buddies in Castiel’s book.

So, he had accepted Gabriel’s proposal to kick back a little during one of his very rare vacations, but he figured he deserved a bit of quiet time with his brother before the end of his internship and the big final exam. He’d have to fly everywhere to apply for jobs in hospitals all over the country and he already dreaded having to do kowtowing and sell his qualities to potential new bosses, so he figured some time off would be good for him beforehand.

Little had he expected that Gabe would take him to Vegas where it was absolutely not possible to have a quiet, relaxing time. Once he thought about it though, he was sure that he should have expected it after all, because well, his brother was his brother. But that didn’t make his headache and his grumpy mood go away at all as he kept losing money at the blackjack table or at those infernally loud coin machines, constant noise surrounding him wherever he went.

By the end of his first day in Vegas, he felt more exhausted than after a week of double shifts and really wasn’t in the mood for Gabriel thriving on all the excitement surrounding him and actually dragging him off into a strip club, marking the high point of the crappiest day Castiel had in a long time.

“Gabe, I really think I need to sleep now. And I find no pleasure in seeing female bodies in various states of undress.”

“I know that,” Gabriel said, waggling his eyebrows as if he knew something Cas didn’t. “That’s why it’s a mixed strip club. Lots of hunky yummies for you to stare at.”

“Hunky yummies?” Cas airquoted his brother, who just shrugged at him and continuing dragging him off, past the bouncer into a club that was just as loud as the casino before.

Castiel was disoriented, more so when Gabe ushered him to a table and ordered drink after drink even when Castiel hadn’t even finished his earlier one.

After a few minutes, he was very glad of the alcohol because Gabe, as the elder brother and already earning good money as a senior physician at the same hospital that Castiel worked at, could afford private dances with a lot of admittedly very pretty girls, who however did nothing for Castiel. While they twirled and Gabriel turned more and more obscene with the noises in his throat, his younger brother drank and drank, trying to erase the sight of boobs from his mind.

“Sorry bro,” Gabe said after he had given a very generous tip to a girl who quickly took up her sparse clothing and waggled off to the changing rooms. “One for you now, right?”

“Yeah fine,” Castiel replied, his head spinning and his mood infinitely more giggly as the night passed by. “You know how long it’s been for me Gabriel?”

“No, and I don’t wanna know,” Gabe started but Castiel was on a row.

“It’s been forever!” Castiel rumpled, hiccupping and staring into his drink. “Forever! And you know when you haven’t done it for a while that a quick thing with yourself just doesn’t to it? That it just builds up until you just wanna be pounded into the mattress, or ride it very hard so you can feel it for days...” he trailed off, thinking about how much he lacked in his life.

“Can’t say that that is my area of expertise,” Gabe shook his head. “I prefer to run the show.”

“As if you can’t run it when you’re taking,” Castiel shook his head in turn, staring into his still empty drink, wondering why he was talking to his brother about his needs.

“Alcohol makes for one hell of a truth serum,” someone next to Castiel said and he raised his gaze.

Once he caught sight of the male stripper that Gabriel had probably magicked up right out of Castiel’s dreams, he couldn’t stop staring.

The man was gorgeous, warm green eyes with crinkles around them smiled down at Castiel, the angular face needing a little while until the smile reached the man’s perfect full lips, which turned more into a smirk the longer Castiel stared, but he just couldn’t help it. His gaze wandered down the man’s defined, slightly tanned chest. He immediately felt the need to grab hold of this broad chest, which merged with a surprisingly small waist and toned but slim legs suggesting a dancer or maybe a cheerleader. Castiel wanted to stare back up at the perfect chest of the man but his eyes were drawn to a pair of shorts which were just at his eye level and left little to the imagination. There was a _packet_ in front of Castiel’s face and he wanted it, wanted what was inside those shorts, wanted to rake his nails over the man’s torso, feel those lips on his and in general just _wanted_.

“I think someone’s speechless,” the guy smirked now, pulling Castiel up instead of climbing onto the table to start dancing and even in his boozed state, Castiel could see that the man’s perfect body was covered in freckles, which however didn’t break the tan, but added to it. Playful they seemed, strewn over the man’s nose and cheeks and one that was very keen almost reached the man’s lip just where it turned pink.

“I-… I-” Castiel stammered, swaying on his feet until the stripper actually had to steady him, his palm perfect and warm on Castiel’s waist.

“Easy there, tiger,” he chuckled and accepted a shot from Gabriel before he caught Castiel‘s gaze, or more like stared a fire into Castiel, letting it flare inside his lower gut and burning higher the longer he stared into those eyes that were boring themselves right into his soul.

“Name’s Dean,” he heard that voice again and he stammered to answer.

“Cas…Cassss…tiel.”

“Ok, Cas,” he heard a good-natured chuckling in Dean’s voice at him being so drunk that he couldn’t even pronounce his own name anymore. “What can I do for you? Lap dance, or take my clothes off or… dance floor,” Dean decided, taking Castiel’s hand while his other still remained on his hip, and guided him over to the dance floor.

“Isn’t that inappropriate?” Castiel asked and was happy that he got that much out without stammering, when Dean pulled him in a little, swaying to the beat of the music. Castiel saw other dancers too, recognising one of the girls that had been at their table before, dancing with someone who looked like a patron.

“Not if we both want it,” Dean answered, tugging at Castiel a little more until they stood pressed together, and moved faster now, the beat of the song perfect for dancing, or more like humping, together.

Castiel blushed as he felt himself harden against Dean’s thigh but he never stopped moving, his breath hitching when he noticing that the other man pressed to him and was just as hard as he was.

Dean stared at him, guiding Castiel’s hands onto his body while grinding on him and with pleased confusion Castiel noticed that Dean’s pupils dilated and that a lusty sigh escaped those perfect lips.

During the next half hour, Castiel was more in danger of coming in his pants as ever since he had grown out of his teenage years while Dean and he continued to rub together, Dean’s hand exploring his body, unbuttoning his shirt and then moaning shamelessly at what he found.

“Fuck you’re gorgeous, Cas,” he trailed his fingers over hard, toned flesh and moved closer, teasingly keeping his mouth just out of reach but making it very evident that he wanted Castiel. “Take me to your room?” he asked, angling his head with another smirk and Castiel nodded, dragging Dean off the dance floor immediately and drunkenly searching for the nearest elevator up to his room. Thankfully, Gabe had insisted on separate rooms, he thought, Dean’s lips on his neck as they waited and driving Castiel to urge him into the elevator as soon as it opened.

Cas groaned, spreading his thighs and loving the feel of Dean’s lips on his skin, thinking that if this damn thing was any slower with getting them up, he’d burst right here and now.

Thankfully, he ride wasn’t long and he could pull Dean out of the elevator roughly in a short time, needing his help with getting the door open, but then they stumbled inside, Dean’s lips finally on his, hot and urgently pressing against him while he peeled Cas’ open shirt off his back and dragged his leather belt off him so hard that his slacks fell to the ground easily.

Cas was so turned on that he didn’t even care about his less than sexy white boxers. He just slipped them off, toeing off his shoes next, and then grabbing Dean’s ass hard, lapping into his mouth as he pulled the other man’s shorts off.

“Fuck me,” he breathed. “Fuck me like there’s no tomorrow,” he hooked his legs over Dean’s slim hips, feeling himself carried over to the bed, and once he hit the mattress, remembering nothing anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may curse at me for the blackout just when things got good. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, the first thing Castiel noticed before even waking up fully was something trying to split his head open from the inside. Confused, he thought about how it was possible that he had swallowed an axe and wondered how it had left is esophagus and entered his brain, but then he cringed his forehead, rubbing through his hair which seemed sort of crusty and groaned when he noticed that there was no edged blade coming out of his skull. He turned, remembering drinking a lot, and that the pressure in his head must come from that.

Castiel came up with another mystery, now that the ache was explained. But what did a toned arm do being lazily flung all over his chest and the man attached to it still softly snoring right there next to him?

He felt edges of a panic start to bubble up, even more so when the man, Dean he vaguely remembered, shifted, flipped his thumb lazily over Castiel’s _bare_ nipple and roughly mumbled into the pillow: “Mornin’, sweetheart,” before he actually leaned across, searching for Castiel’s mouth with closed eyes and gave him a quick good morning kiss when he had finally found his lips, Castiel just lying there and admiring his thick lashes and the freckles on his nose as he was kissed.

By now the panic was white hot within Castiel, as parts of last night came back to him, how uninhibited he’d been with taking Dean up to his room and how he had wanted to have sex with the gorgeous stripper who was even more handsome in the early morning light and without his head swimming as it had been last night.

Scratch that, Castiel thought as he sprang out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. It was actually worse today, because within a few minutes, he had emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl, was sweaty and shaky with his head pounding even more violently than before. As he came out of the bowl with a groan, he looked down at his left hand and saw something that made him want to vomit even more. A ring that definitely looked like a wedding band sat there, white gold gleaming in the artificial light of the hotel bathroom.

As he heaved himself into an upright position and stared at himself in the mirror, he knew a couple of things. One, he looked like crap. Two, he was stark naked, and three: he’d have to piece last night back together and he’d better do it fast.

He brushed his teeth quickly and then walked back into the main room to see Dean bracing his neck on the bed and staring at him with a smirk and an outstretched hand.

“C'mere,” he cooed, Cas blushing violently and trying to cover himself up.

He blushed even more when Dean chuckled: “Ain’t nothing there I haven’t seen already, baby.”

“Yes, about that,” Castiel coughed, trying to find his clothes and finding more evidence of things he couldn’t remember. Two black cutaways, haphazardly strung briefs and the rest of the clothes Castiel _did_ remember peeling off Dean and himself. “What happened?”

“Search me,” he laughed and got out of bed, seemingly without any shame as Dean smoothing his hands over his back and kissed his shoulders even as Castiel tried to get his legs through a pair of briefs that he didn’t remember but didn’t look like the shorts that Dean had worn last night.

He flinched when he felt Dean touching him so familiarly and his head didn’t make him feel better; looking down wasn’t a good idea in his condition, nor was looking up because he saw hurt painted on Dean’s face as he let his hands fall to his sides, and then actually hide his impressive manhood behind his hands, an astonishing display of shame for someone who lived off taking his clothes off. At any other given moment, Castiel would have been very disappointed with himself and feeling bad for making Dean react like this, but right now he had different matters on his mind.

“I need to find out what happened,” he bit out, and tried to move past Dean, but nearly toppled over.

“Woah, easy,” Dean said, steadying Castiel now and catching his eye. “You shouldn’t be going anywhere. You can barely stand. Let me bring you back to bed, huh?”

Castiel nodded, seeing that it was a good idea to recover a bit first, and Dean led him over to the bed they had shared last night, and then actually covered himself up, picking up a shirt from the pile of formal wear as well, because as Castiel correctly remembered, Dean had come up here in nothing but shorts.

The effect that Dean had on him lived past the night and actually got even more intense as he saw him putting on a dress shirt and button it up before joining him on the bed again.

Dean’s eyes looked at him curious and he gingerly took Castiel’s hand, who saw with more confusion that Dean was wearing the exact same wedding band as he.

“What happened?” Castiel asked again and Dean shrugged.

“I remember coming here, you being all desperate and then lights out when you laid down on the mattress. I waited for you to wake up again and must have fallen asleep over it. I felt pretty groggy actually,” he admitted.

“So, uh… we didn’t?” Castiel nodded to the bedding.

“Please, as if I would take advantage like that,” Dean shook his head. “I wanted you to slow your roll just before you strayed away into dream land and maybe do it when you were sober again. But it doesn’t seem like you want that,” he said, the pained expression back on his brow.

“I think I need to apologise for the way I acted last night, I wasn’t myself.”

Dean nodded and added: “I think I liked you better last night, actually. You weren’t all cold and distant as you are now. And you didn’t smell of vomit.”

Castiel held a hand in front of his mouth now, but Dean only chuckled again, taking his hand down and leaning forward.

“I was kidding, Cas,” he smiled, thumping over Castiel’s bottom lip and then catching his eye again. “You’re still like you were last night. Just a different kind of desperate.”

“Can you blame me?” Castiel asked incredulously, while at the same time wondering why he hadn’t corrected Dean’s nickname for him. When he thought about it, he kinda liked the smokey, deep voice calling him Cas, combined with that sometimes soft, sometimes hungry expression which Dean always wore when he said it.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Dean stated, the familiar tone gone now and he seemed hurt again. “I’d remember getting married last night. And I can’t imagine that you jumped out of bed, dragged me into a fancy dress shop in nothing but shorts, bought rings and had us getting married by Elvis.”

“Elvis is dead,” Cas stated simply.

“Duh, Cas,” the playful expression and honey thick sound was in Dean’s voice again. “I meant the chapel. There is always an Elvis imitator there and they marry all night long.”

“Then let’s go there, find the officiant and the paper, and get it undone.”

“Undone?” Dean asked, now definitely looking hurt.

“Yes, do you think I wanna stay married to _you_? I don’t _know_ you.”

The second the words left Castiel’s mouth, he knew he had gone too far this time, because Dean started back, something in his expression closing itself off as he pulled the nearest suit pants towards him and stuck his legs into them with vicious tugs.

“Then let’s go, princess. If I’m so disgusting to you.”

“That’s not it,” Castiel groaned, sorry to sound so harsh and hurting the other man but Dean just stood there, quietly waiting until he was presentable and then he stalked out of the room, Castiel following him too slowly to walk next to him and instead had to trail after him.

Dean didn’t say another word to him as he led the way down the stairs as if to torture Castiel’s head even more and down the entire street that didn’t pay any more heed to his hangover than Dean did, with car honking and general excited Vegas bustle surrounding them.

Inside the chapel, he strutted to the officiant’s door and hammered on it loudly, only stopping when Castiel actually put his hands over his ears to tone down the noise.

“Oh did that hurt? I am so sorry,” he said, fuming with anger as the door was opened and he enquired about the ceremonies that had been held last night.

“Well, seems like it’s all there,” Dean said, pointing to their names in the register. “Congratulations, Mr. Winchester, you’re up a husband.”

“That’s your name. I took your name?” Cas asked, peeking over Dean's tense shoulders.

“Seems like you did,” Dean replied.

“Right, so what have we got to do to get this to go away?” Cas asked the officiant who was just about to open his mouth when Dean talked over him.

“We don’t do anything. I refuse to get divorced.”

“What?” Cas asked, his head pounding again, making it hard to focus.

“I said, I’m not gonna quit you like this. I can’t. How long is this vacation of yours?”

“Still 6 days,” Cas answered, wondering what that had to do with the matter.

“Right,” Dean said businesslike and closed the register. “You’re gonna give me a chance. We’re gonna get to know each other, and when I haven’t convinced you after that time that I’m worth staying with, I’ll sign the damned annulment. Got it?”

Cas sighed heavily, thinking it over and from the way his thoughts immediately went into the direction of going back to bed now and Dean would be there next to him, he knew he was considering the offer. Then he thought about having almost a whole week of this, and knew he couldn’t pass this opportunity on, maybe they could just pick up where they had started in the club once they got over the rocky start of the morning.

He looked at Dean and saw the same tender expression in his eyes, but his face also a bit scrunched about Castiel saying no.

“Well, since you _refuse_ , I might as well just endure your company for a bit,” Cas sassed Dean who gave him a wide, happy smile at that, nodded to the officiant and pulled Cas out of the room now, pressing their hands together warmly.

“Of course I have a few conditions,” he smiled and Cas thought that that was so much better than the brooding clouds that had crossed his handsome face several times this morning.

“And what would those be?” he asked, but before he could react or say anything else, Dean’s lips were on his once more, soft and less hurried than last night, yet even more wonderful because their attraction had outlasted the frenzy and the booze.

“That we do that very often,” Dean answered Cas’ question after their kiss ended.

“And what else?”

Dean rubbed his neck, biting his lip seductively as he looked at Cas again. “Breakfast?” he asked almost shyly.


	3. Chapter 3

“I thought we could go to the pancake house,” Dean told Cas and actually took a hold of his hand once they left the chapel. “They serve bacon pancakes, can you believe it?” he chuckled.

Castiel just shook his head, alone the thought of breakfast making his stomach upturn and swallow heavily against the urge to retch.

“Or maybe some crepes for you and some fruit?” Dean brushed against him lightly and Cas nodded, feeling a steadying hand loop around his waist now.

“Eating sounds good and drinking too, to get my fluid balance back up.”

“Fluid balance? You sound like a doctor.”

“That’s because I am, a surgeon actually.”

“Wow, that’s cool. Hard work?”

“Very,” Cas answered, not even realising that Dean steered him off to the side until he saw him open a door to their right.

He helped Cas into a booth and it seemed almost simultaneous that he ordered fresh fruit crepe for Cas and bacon pancakes for himself, while Cas had trouble focusing until Dean poked him in the arm.

“You gotta try them though, at least a bite. They’re awesome,” he chuckled, sliding up close and throwing an arm around Cas’ shoulders. He looked up at Dean now letting himself be pulled away from the window, a frown still on his brow against the sun peeking in from the side facing the road and so it was just so much easier and more pleasing to the eyes to turn around and face Dean full on, turning around and shifting closer until the were almost facing each other even while sitting right next to each other.

He took Dean's appearance in, relaxing against the backrest of their booth and his eyes roaming Cas’ face too, a short smile showing whenever he met his eyes and his fingers now actually stroking over Cas’ right shoulder because he left his arm around him. 

Cas wondered why he didn’t say anything against Dean’s tactile nature, usually he hated it when he was touched anywhere, didn’t hug people unless they hadn’t seen each other for months at a time and always letting go very quickly.

Now though, Dean had held his hand countless times, thrown his arm around his waist or shoulders whenever he liked and even as he thought about it, Dean moved closer, his thigh now pressing against Cas’ and his so far unoccupied hand tenderly stroking his stomach just underneath of his coastal arch.

“Baby, you’re staring at me again,” Dean whispered, and let his fingers trail up, bending Cas’ neck upwards a bit, so Dean was in the perfect position to let his lips ghost over his, before he kissed him.

Cas didn’t object, didn’t stop him giving him pet names, and actually leaned into the kiss like he was starving for it, moving his lips frantically, and opening his mouth with a hungry moan, pulling Dean in by the elbow until they lay almost diagonally in the air.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out, parting their mouths and Cas felt himself hitch and urge closer to get Dean’s lips back.

“You are a mystery, you know that? One time you can hardly wait to get rid of me, and then there is also this side to you. If I’d let you, you’d be all over me right here, huh? And you don’t talk that much but you kinda speak so much with the way you are around me. How long has it been since you were with someone?”

“Like really been? For longer?” Cas asked, suddenly not able to face Dean anymore and stared down at the table, seemingly fascinated by the napkin holder and menu card.

“Hey,” Dean said softly, his fingers underneath Cas’ chin and lifting it until he looked at him again.

“I’ve never been with someone, and my last time of having sex must have been back in college. I don’t even remember it anymore.”

“Holy shit,” Dean cursed. “How are you still alive and not imploded from frustration? That why you were so eager for it last night?”

“Partially,” Cas admitted, just as their breakfast came and Dean helped the waitress get Cas’ plate in front of him, alongside coffee for him and tea for Cas.

“I didn’t know what you like,” he said a little embarrassed. “But I figured tea was gonna be good for you.”

“Thank you. Any other day I’d prefer coffee, but tea sounds good right now.”

“Coffee drinker Cas, got it,” Dean smirked and started tugging into his pancakes with indecent enthusiasm while Cas only looked onto his three crepes, not sure if he’d be able to get even one of them down.

“Want me to feed you?” Dean asked, munching happily and already grabbing Cas’ fork, separating a bit of crepe and moving it up to Cas’ mouth. “I don’t mind doing it. Open wide, Dr. Cas, and eat your medicine.”

Cas shook his head but Dean only sat there insistently, waggling the fork in front of him and Cas sighed, giving in. It was either that, or wait until the crepe landed on his trousers as Dean would undoubtedly waggle it around more and more until the piece flew off.

“Atta boy,” Dean praised when Cas’ lips closed around the fork and then he started chewing even as Dean loaded the fork back up.

“Stop it,” he said, catching Dean’s wrist. “I can eat by myself.”

“Right,” Dean grinned. “Can I have my hand back in that case?” he added because Cas had only let go of his wrist to tangle their fingers together instead.

“And what if I don’t want to?” Cas said and felt himself starting to smile.

“What’s this? Are you flirting with me?” Dean asked, his eyes comically wide, even as Cas let go of him. 

“I’m entitled, aren’t I?” Cas asked, holding up his left hand with the ring on it. “Even though I still don’t understand how that could have happened.”

“Me neither, but we saw the entry, right? Even though I could’ve sworn that I slept through the entire night,” Dean shrugged and both of them ate for a while in silence, Cas slowly and deliberately, but after the first crepe stayed down, he was more optimistic about the rest of his breakfast.

“I don’t seem to have been in any condition to get back up out of bed,” Cas pondered, even as he saw Dean’s hand enter his vision again with another forkful of food, this time Dean’s own. Cas didn’t even have to think anymore, just opened his mouth and suddenly the weird, yet sort of amazing mixture of bacon and pancake flavour was in his mouth.

He chewed carefully, swallowing it down and giving Dean and appreciative nod for his choice of breakfast.

“You look so amazing,” Dean said, his eyes again wide open and thumbing over Cas’ bottom lip. “And damn those lips. What I’d like to do to them. Or all the places I want to have them on me.”

Cas blushed about the suggestive tone, but he still had enough wits about himself to lean in, and whisper: “You’re staring at me.”

“Touché,” Dean chuckled and stole a cherry from Cas’ crepes. 

“Hey, that’s not fair, that’s the only one!” he said, but Dean held the fruit between his teeth, his brow raised to say: If you want it, come get it.

Cas felt himself smile again, and leaned forward, rubbing his nose on Dean’s for a bit before closing in, baring his teeth and very softly biting into the fruit, mindful of the stone and simultaneously moving over Dean’s lips so softly that both of them broke out in goosebumps.

After he had parted the fruit, Cas took it into his mouth, pointing his tongue into Dean’s mouth, playing with the stone, until Dean actually got cockeyed and moaning.

He felt Dean shift, peeling the half of the cherry he still had with his teeth and then press the stone back.

They played with it for a while, until Cas reached between their mouths, playing over Dean's full bottom lip until he pulled the stone out and went back into Dean’s mouth, circling around his tongue with a groan and his hand wandering up Dean’s thigh towards his middle.

With another groan he felt Dean stop him and part their mouths with a breathless: “Shit, where‘d you learn to kiss like that?”

Cas only shrugged, moving away just a bit to finish his breakfast and he didn’t know what it was that let him feel so alive and happy right now. If it was Dean or the solid food in his stomach or the frankly unbelievable tension between them.

“Ok, I was thinking," Dean started, obviously in an attempt to get them both occupied with something other than each other for a little bit at least. "After this, I need to get back to my place and change into some of my own clothes and also get for work tonight. Wanna come?” 

Cas’ mind went places immediately and from the way Dean blushed as he looked at him, he hadn’t thought about the subtext of his words just now.

“Are you glad that we didn’t just part ways this morning by now?” he asked, his hand patting Cas‘ thigh now, who only grinned and gifted Dean a piece of orange as an answer. “Damn, I’m friggin’ velvety smooth, hadn‘t even noticed how that must have sounded,” he complimented himself and stared at Cas until he was finished eating. 

“Ah, keep it. My treat,” he said when Cas reached for his wallet. 

Cas wondered where Dean could have gotten money from, but then he remembered that there had been some bills inside of Dean’s shorts last night, which he apparently had retrieved before they left the hotel room.

“Why do you work as a stripper?” he asked now.

“Please. ‘Exotic dancer’ is what’s in the job description,” Dean chuckled, but then became serious again. “I dunno, did a course after quitting school to find something to work at to feed my little brother and once I turned 18, I got my first official-like job. Did my GED too, studying during the day, while the nights were always winning the bread for us like this. Was easier than to go back to regular school, less pressure to be on time and actually be awake in the morning. And then Sammy got into this super fancy college in Cali, so I just kept on working. By the time he knew that he was gonna get a full ride, I had kinda made a name for myself and got all sorts of recommendations and I figured Vegas was closer to Sammy than Lawrence, and so I came here and stayed in this line a‘ business.”

“You moved here from Kansas?” Cas asked, trying to puzzle out all parts of Dean’s story.

“Yep,” he nodded.

“Where were your parents in all of this?” He asked, and then saw Dean’s jaw twitch and he knew he had hit a nerve there. “Sorry, didn’t mean to… It’s none of my business anyway.”

“Dead. In mom’s case. Just gone, in dad’s.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said, shy of touching Dean now because he feared to have upset him, but deciding he needed the comfort, so he looped his arm around the other man just like Dean liked to do. 

Dean relaxed and slouched into Cas immediately, leaning in even when they walked up the street again, and went off into a direction that Cas hadn’t been in before. 

“When did he take off?” Dean’s story didn’t let go of Cas even as they walked another boulevard with more casinos and venues on it.

“When I was 16, Sam 12.”

“Bastard,” Cas mumbled fervently.

“He wa’n’t that bad,” Dean shrugged. “He did the best he could, anyway,” he amended his words.

Cas sensed that it was a topic that Dean didn’t like to talk about, so he moved on to another question that presented himself: “So, uh… stripping, or exotic dancing. Is that all, uh…”

“You wanna know if I worked as a prostitute?” Dean asked, not seeming to be upset as Cas nodded. “No, I didn’t. Was never desperate enough to do it. Even though there were times when I thought about it.”

“And do you ever go home with patrons?”

“Only once,” Dean smiled softly and took Cas’ hand again.


	4. Chapter 4

“This is uh… nice?” Cas asked once they were inside Dean’s one room apartment, in which he could hardly turn around without getting stuck between the bed and the quite substantial closet. On the other side of the bed there was a short hallway which actually didn’t even deserve the name because it had just enough space for a door to the bathroom and a doorway into the kitchen which Cas could practically see in it's entirety from here. As if the space problem wasn’t enough, the whole place looked more than shabby even though he saw that Dean made an effort to keep it almost squeaky clean. That didn’t change the dark stains on the wall though, the peeling paint on any door and window frame or the overall cheap look of the furniture.

“Yeah, sorry. I guess you’re kinda used to better stuff,” Dean scratched his head.

Cas answered in the negative: “My place isn’t much better actually, though a little roomier at least.”

“Where do you live anyway?”

“San Francisco,” Cas answered absentmindedly, very much preoccupied with Dean’s enormous closet and what kind of costumes it must hold.

“That’s nice,” Dean said courteously and then wanted to start taking off the shirt and pants of unknown origin, but he stopped when Cas’ head turned towards him and his pupils dilated. “Really?”

“Really,” Cas answered, having to swallow if he didn’t want to drool all over the scratched, ancient and slightly shaky floor.

“Sit down,” Dean offered and Cas’ attention was briefly distracted by the not to solid looking metal contraption that was Dean’s excuse for a bed, and creaked with every little move Cas made on the floor as he walked around it and as he sat on the side of the bed which faced Dean.

Dean laughed about Cas’ doubtless frightened expression, and came over until he towered above him. “I actually got this from a motel that went outta business. The one that was in here before _did_ break under me but it was part of the lease and so I had to replace it. It’s a craphole but at least it’s near the casino and also cheap. Meaning even when I have a month that isn’t so good, I can still have the money to pay for it and during a good month I get to save up some,” he carded through Cas’ hair as he spoke, but now he stopped and bent Cas’ neck up softly. “Do you wanna go back to the hotel?”

Cas shook his head, his hands on Dean’s thighs, moving up and then waiting another for another breath for consent, he cupped Dean’s crotch through the slacks he was wearing.

“No, I have other things on my mind,” he rasped, looking up at Dean who’s eyes seemed hooded at what Cas’ hand was doing to him.

“We’re really gonna do this now,” he said almost to himself and started unbuttoning his shirt, but when two buttons were open, he shook his head thoughtfully and pulled Cas up. “I can undress myself in seconds, but it’s been a while for me too since I had anyone do this for me,” he guided Cas’ fingers to the next button hole. “Take it slow, I wanna savour this for a moment, because once those lips are back on me, I know I won’t be able to hold back any longer.”

“Me neither,” Cas said, slowly moving down Dean’s torso exposing more and more naked skin. “You think I was desperate last night? It’s so much worse now.”

“Then I’d better make this good,” Dean said, helping Cas pull the shirt off his back and groaning when Cas touched his chest which had fascinated him yesterday already.

“I don’t care about good at this point, I just want and I’ll take everything you can give me,” Cas felt himself starting to swell, the sex so palpable that he could hardly wait.

“I’ll be damned,” Dean chuckled, Cas’ hands tugging his pants down and then moving over to undress himself with Dean’s help. “You’re really jonesing for this? Is this your bedroom persona?”

“I don’t even know if I have that,” Cas answered, his neck craning over Dean’s fingers brushing over his slowly revealed skin and he let out a low moan.

“Baby,” Dean bit out with force, moving forward and capturing Cas’ lips and like he had suspected in the beginning, the frenzy started again as soon as they were liplocked.

Cas moaned more, ripping and pulling at his pants, letting himself fall onto the bed, all thoughts about it maybe not holding his weight forgotten and reached up to Dean’s chest again, marvelling and pulling him down by the hip, Dean following happily and draping them so Cas came to rest in the middle of the bed with Dean on top of him.

“Still want me to fuck you?” he rasped, reaching into the nightstand that was jammed between the window and the bed for lube and condoms, while Cas nodded feverously and actually pulled his legs up to allow Dean perfect access, while he stared at the gorgeous, toned body above him, and Dean‘s even more gorgeous dick being hard just for him. Cas’ mouth watered at seeing it, wanting this even more now, wanting _Dean_ even more now.

He panted even as Dean’s fingers only ghosted over his hole and he said: “So this is your first time in years, huh? You’re basically a virgin again,” he chuckled. “I’ll be gentle.”

“Oh fuck, no!” Cas bit out and Dean blinked down at him in confusion. “That’s the very last thing that I want. Just… _please_ start.”

“Since you ask so nice,” Dean answered, lowering himself on Cas and kissing him with hasty pushes of his tongue mixed with small little noises in his throat because he was just overwhelmed, by his tongue not being the only thing inside Cas now, his index finger entering him slick and perfect but he still went too slow for Cas’ liking.

“I can take more,” Cas breathed out, his hands now on Dean’s neck and with a moan he felt him shift so he could finger him more comfortably and their cocks brushed together.

Both of them seemed to get a rush out of it, because Dean prodded Cas open faster now, still rubbing over him to get them a bit of friction and his mouth never leaving Cas’, who went out of his mind at every sensation that was going on right now. Dean’s fingers inside him felt insistent and absolutely amazing, even more so when he brushed over Cas’ almost forgotten prostate which hadn't had any action in who knows how long and Cas and he bent himself up, the bed squeaking as he pressed up into Dean, panting into his mouth: “More!”

“I got you,” Dean answered, laying their foreheads together and already moving on Cas with little thrusting motions which made the bed creak even more. “Do you like it?”

“What, your fingers or the noise?”

“Both,” Dean panted, rocking their cocks together, three fingers fucking into Cas now.

“Well, there is your answer,” Cas said, hooking his legs over Dean’s hips and pulling him down with his fingers digging into Dean’s back. “I’m ready,” he panted.

Dean nodded and Cas heard the ripping of a foil packet but Dean seemed to have a bit of trouble rolling the rubber on because he didn’t see what he was doing, his body flush on Cas and his mouth kissing him just underneath his jaw, making Cas gulp hard and hold Dean there with his fingers rubbing through his hair.

“We can go without one,” Cas suggested to move this along and actually desperate to have _just_ Dean. “I’m totally clean.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dean answered, and caught Cas’ gaze. “Do you really want that?”

“Uh huh,” Cas nodded.

“Alright,” Dean said, and Cas felt him probe his rim again, his fingers carrying lubricant and then he slicked himself up, the sound alone making Cas bite his lips and clenching in expectancy. Then Dean finally breached him, going in steady and slow, even though Cas pulled at him with his inner walls trying to work him in deeper.

“Steady baby, don’t make yourself even tighter or I’m gonna come right now. Just relax.”

Cas nodded and let Dean bottom out in his own time and after a small eternity of steady pushes and delicious stretching, Dean was fully seated inside him.

“You feel fucking amazing,” Dean praised Cas and experimentally thrusted into him. “You good?”

“Better than good,” Cas panted and felt his urges rising from Dean‘s tentative beginning. “Dean, fuck me!”

“There it is, there’s my baby,” Dean grinned, and then shuddered a bit, overwhelmed as he started moving inside Cas, leaning down for more hurried kisses even as his rhythm started to get downright frantic.

“This is gonna be over real quick like this,” he said, fucking hurriedly, but Cas only nodded.

“Yes, it’s perfect like this. Go harder!” Cas took up his throbbing length and felt Dean’s fingers close around it too, together they jerked him in time with Dean’s thrusts. Cas knew he wouldn’t last, Dean’s cock inside him too perfect, hitting his spot again and again, their hands moving over his own with slick sounds and the fucking bed creaking like nothing else and making it so much better because it was actual sex causing the noise; it was all he ever wanted and never allowed himself to have.

“Dean!” he shouted, as the rush that he hadn’t experienced by any hand than his own for time uncountable washed over him and he came hard, clenching and moaning shamelessly while Dean continued to stimulate and thrust into him.

“Holy shit, Cas!” he heard Dean’s pants in his ear, his head sinking onto Cas’ shoulder as he rocked into him, edged and finally coming too, his cock still so hot and perfect inside Cas that he thrummed even as his orgasm subsided and he held Dean steady, whose breath and heartbeat were almost alarmingly fast.

It was Cas’ turn to bend Dean’s head up now, kissing him sweetly and taking up stray drops of sweat that were running out of his hair, rubbing Dean’s slick skin there afterwards and staring at him coming to a trembling halt.

“Thank you,” he breathed in-between kisses, “it was wonderful.”

“It was fucking amazing, Cas. Worth the wait until we could both remember it,” Dean said, his voice shaky and his eyelids drooping. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to catch s’more sleep now. Will you stay?”

“Yes. Of course,” he rasped as an answer, tangling himself around Dean, and keeping him inside even as they came to rest next to each other, Dean still shaking and stroking the side of Cas’ neck lazily before his eyes fell shut and they breathed in perfect unison until they dosed off.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Cas woke up again, he felt much better, the extra portion of sleep working wonders on his hangover.

He stared up at a huge dark ring of water damage on the ceiling and decided not to want to think about what could have happened to make it appear, so he turned around, looking at the peacefully sleeping man next to him instead.

It seemed like when he looked away from Dean for even one second, he forgot how stunning he was, with his dark blonde hair standing up on all ends from Cas carding his fingers through it as he poured him into himself, those thick lashes that had to tickle him where they grazed his cheeks and that amazing, trained dancer body of his.

Very lightly Cas moved an open palm over Dean’s back which was completely exposed, only his hips were covered with a clean white bed sheet. As he brushed over Dean’s skin, he groaned a little in his sleep, sighing as his head moved on the pillow and he threw an arm over Cas like he must have done last night as well.

Cas only watched as Dean settled back down, smacking his lips and smiling in his sleep. Then Cas thought about the other things about Dean he liked, and that had nothing to do with his looks or his own bodily reactions to him.

Dean was sunshine, he smiled a lot, flirty to the point of being cheeky and still he was responsible, had been raising his brother and sacrificed much to help him get on. He enjoyed his work, there was no doubt about it, Cas had felt how well Dean could move himself, so he seemed to be the perfect choice for a dancer, but he couldn’t help wonder what Dean’s plans for the future would look like. He was about his own age, middle to late 20s. How long could he possibly go on in this job?

And what was more, what would it do to his, Castiel’s reputation, should it be known that his husband was taking his clothes off for money? Could he work with this? Did he have any right to ask Dean to quit what he was doing, find another job, maybe go to college too? Did he even have the right to think any of this, or would this end eventually and inevitably?

He didn’t know what to do, so he just went back to touching Dean, his fingers drawing small circles over his shoulders until Cas heard mumbled words in his ear.

“Just 5 more minutes, sweetheart.”

“Take all the time you need,” Cas said back so quietly that he nearly whispered, his arm now moving up and carding through Dean’s hair again, thumping over his cheekbones and leaning in for a kiss.

Dean was slow to wake up, but whenever Cas wanted to move away, give him space, Dean groaned hungrily and wouldn’t stop until Cas gave him his lips back.

The little sounds in Dean’s throat made Cas itch to touch him until at long last, he turned Dean around, lifting his leg up and straddling him, leaning down for more kisses.

“Finally, I thought you’d never take the hint,” Dean grinned before opening his eyes. “Looking good there, baby,” Dean bucked up to let Cas know how much he was ready for round 2.

Cas was more than happy to take Dean into his hand, stroke him and check himself if he needed stretching or re-lubing.

“Are you fingering yourself?” Dean rasped, only seeing Cas’ straining arm disappearing behind his back and pumping both their cocks now with his other hand.

“Could be,” Cas grinned, and then hitched to a halt when he pushed his own buttons inside his ass.

“That’s so hot,” Dean moaned, biting his bottom lip, but slowly letting his mouth fall open as Cas inserted him back into himself.

“Mhhmm, c’mere,” Dean drawled and pulled Cas down to get his mouth again even as his hands dug into Cas’ hips and guided his movements.

“You’re so tight,” he groaned, sliding in and out, with Cas feeling like he was losing it already because of Dean’s words. Never had he known how it was like to have someone talk to him like this during sex. It was intoxicating.

Just by the fact that Dean had wanted him to get down and not shove himself off on him with force, towering above him, this had become the most intimate he’d ever been with someone, despite how little he and Dean really had in common or knew about the other.

Through the whirl inside him, Cas opened his mouth, needing to show Dean how much he was into this: “You’re so perfect inside me,” he let him know, moving just a bit faster now and felt Dean’s hands on his ass, while his tongue drove him crazy by assaulting the nerves in his own tongue with perfect licks.

“Hmm yes,” Dean moaned as Cas flicked over his nipples and caressed his chest on his way down to give himself the final push. “You close?” Dean asked him and Cas could only nod shakily before he shot all over Dean’s stomach, his mouth falling open and his eyes closing by the intense rush of everything being set loose inside him.

“Fuck, you clench around me so good,” Dean groaned. “Just a bit more baby, right there with you, ahhhhh!” Dean came undone and Cas watched him, finding him even more magnificent now and a happy bubble of pride welled up inside him now for being able to give this to Dean.

Cas swallowed dryly as Dean shivered to a finish underneath him, just watching until Dean opened his eyes, and smiled: “What?”

“Oh it’s nothing,” Cas smiled too, wondering what had become of him and if Dean’s job was really so important compared to what it did to him to just _be_ around him.

“No seriously, what?” Dean demanded, Cas looking contemplative above him, stroking Dean’s bottom lip absentmindedly now.

“I…,” Cas didn’t know how to put into words that he had wanted sex from Dean last night, had gotten it today, and it left him unsatisfied. Not in a way that he wasn’t having the best sex he could hope for, but that he wanted _more_. More of Dean, more of this infernal creaking bed, more of a life that was outside of the wretched hospital.

“I like you,” he said simply. “And I wanna be with you. I wanna get to know you, and maybe in a few months, we’ll really feel married. Would you like that too?”

“Woah, that didn’t take long,” Dean smiled, confused and more than a little pleased. “I thought I’d have to wear myself out to convince you that this could be a good thing. Wait… is this your cock saying you want me available more often?” he frowned now.

“No, not really. It’s me saying that I like you. But if you want I can talk about it with my cock and I’m sure he’d agree that he likes yours too.”

“Did you just crack a joke?” Dean grinned, pulling Cas down again.

“Yeah, so?”

“It just doesn’t seem like you’re the type of guy who’s funny, y’know? You seemed sad last night, and reserved. Even more this morning when you wanted to end this immediately,” he let Cas get off him and turned to his side with his voice going a bit deeper and with an almost childish huff, he asked: “Is this the sex haze talking? It is, isn’t it? You going all mushy because of the awesome sex we’re having?”

“No it isn’t. I want to get to know you. And I’m beginning to think that you can’t really deal with someone finding you interesting underneath that smirk of yours. Someone wanting you for the long haul or just even someone who gets under your skin. Because I do,” Cas said with absolute confidence, and moved closer again, his breath hitching as his and Dean’s noses rubbed together.

Dean’s eyes nearly fell shut and he moved his plush lips up to Cas’ admitting: “Yeah you do,” before they kissed again and didn’t stop until Dean had to get ready for work.

 

“Do you wanna walk me to the hotel?”

“Might as well,” Cas sighed and got up. “Should get my phone too. And talk to my brother. Who knows where _he_ ended up.”

“You gonna come into the club after that? Get me when my shift is over?”

“Yes, of course,” Cas smiled and intertwined their hands, kissing Dean again who reacted with passion, moving Cas until he was pressed against the wall, and smoothing his hands down his chest, reaching down to softly massage Cas’ thigh before hooking his leg up over his own hip, letting his hands work their way up again slowly, all the while kissing Cas until his knees buckled.

“I’m gonna ruin my clothes,” Cas whispered and Dean chuckled.

“I’m kissing as if my life depends on it and you’re worried about stains?”

“Yes, a bit. Can we continue exactly here when we’re in my hotel room again?”

“Hell yeah. But I need a few more kisses for the way,” Dean grinned and went right back to Cas’ mouth with a groan that was so sexy for Cas that he thought it should be illegal how good it made him feel.


	6. Chapter 6

“Can I go in with you?” Cas asked when they were in front of the entrance to the club where Dean was greeted by his colleagues coming out the side entrance that led behind the stage and to the changing rooms.

“I don’t think so, Cas. It’s kinda policy that girlfriends and boyfriends shouldn’t come into the club, y’know?”

“Why not?” Cas pouted, not wanting to let Dean go.

“Because there are people, staring at my body, getting hard ons or wet panties over me. Some order me for dances, want to talk to me and I gotta flirt back. Would you be able to handle that?”

“No,” Cas shook his head, already feeling possessive about Dean only listing things that could happen.

Dean seemed to like the crease in Cas’ forehead and the way he pulled him in by his hipbones, because he pliantly followed the pull and didn‘t want to let go at all.

“At least let me see your costume for the night,” he pleaded, Dean in front of him inconspicuous in jeans and shirt, only a duffle with things he’d wear tonight in his hands.

“I can show you when I’m done, ok?”

“Ok,” Cas nodded and Dean wanted to turn around, but Cas held him again. “Wait.”

“What?” Dean smiled, stroking the side of Cas’ face.

“You said boyfriend,” he beamed.

“Yeah, I did,” Dean nodded, kissing Cas hungrily in confirmation. “We’ll work out the rest later, but for now, that’s what I’ll call you,” he whispered because people were passing them by now and he obviously wanted this to be just between the two of them.

“Alright, that sounds great,” Cas smiled, still unable to let Dean go, and face hours without him.

“I’ll be done as quick as I can, ok?” Dean seemed to know what was going on with Cas as they regretfully let go and Dean turned to go without looking back.

Once the door fell shut behind Dean, Cas felt like he’d plunge into reality again; a reality that seemed greyer than before as he walked over to his room all by himself once more.

Before this, he’d known his life wasn’t all that great, no matter how much he liked his job, or his colleagues. Life in the hospital always had him missing a beat, so to say. It had become routine, and while Cas liked knowing that he had a home in the hospital and loved the excitement of new cases coming in every day, a feeling seemed to have grown inside him that he wondered if this was ever all there was for this life.

It had started gradually, been heightened more and more as everyone around him started dating or in fact double dating, got married, got divorced, had children. All the while Cas was always just slightly outside, holding crying friends, holding crying babies, standing in front of a crying audience while other people got hitched as a best man. Always to return to his empty apartment at the end of other people‘s festive celebration of their lives. He welcomed the silence that received him, but at the same time he couldn’t help but think how nice it would be to have someone be there when he came home, or even slip into bed with him when he was already asleep and just let him know that he wasn‘t alone.

With a pang in his gut he knew he thought of Dean being there and wondered how that could have happened so suddenly. Yesterday, he had been lonely, horny and drunk. Today, he was falling fast and saw everything in an entirely different light while Dean was with him and knew he didn‘t want to miss this for the world.

He walked into his room and saw the disarray of clothes, which he picked up with a smile forming on his face, half expecting to see their wedding certificate somewhere and frowning when he didn’t find anything.

What he did find was his phone, buzzing away against the foot of the bed, which amplified the vibrations so that he could easily find it. He saw several icons on his screen but first of all took the incoming call.

“Hello, this is Cas,” he said, feeling warm about using Dean’s nickname for him.

“Thank the heavens.” It was Gabriel. “Where have you been all day, bro? I tried calling, and I thought I‘d have to send the caballeros after you.”

“I’m fine. I was just busy today.”

“With what?” Gabriel really seemed panicky.

“With Dean. You know, the man I went home with last night? Well, home doesn’t really cover it, though we were also at his place, which sorta counts as home-”

“Cut the babbling, kiddo. Seems like one extensive one night stand you had there,” Gabe chuckled dirtily.

“Actually no, uh… Dean and I got married and we’re trying to make it work.”

“You what?” 

“We’re married. And I want this, and Dean wants it too.”

“Hold your horses, barko. I’m coming over. Is he there right now?”

“No, he’s working.”

“Good, because I gotta tell you something.”

 

Within five minutes, Gabriel was in the door, slightly worried which was a look that didn’t really become him at all.

“I gotta explain something,” he said once the door was open and he squeezed in. “You’re not married.”

“What?” Cas asked, not even beginning to understand.

“That was me,” Gabe admitted. “I thought it would be fun and served you right for denying yourself so much that you picked up the first guy you saw while being shitfaced drunk.”

“But… what?” Cas asked again. “I… we saw the entry in the register.”

“Fake,” Gabe quipped. “There is nothing in Vegas that you can’t buy if your pockets are deep enough. The entry is already out of that book by now though. I just did that to give it authenticity. Same as the suits and all.”

Cas sat down, too shocked to feel anything. “None of this was real?”

“Nope, not a bit.”

Cas’ head swirled but he had to get everything clear. “Hang on, does that mean you paid Dean to do all of this?” he asked, his heart feeling like it was being squeezed until it was small and stopped to work.

“Eh, no. I didn’t. But come on, Cas. A stripper? Of course he’d want to make things work with you. You’re much better than he is. Did you really fall for his act? I’m assuming he was all over you once he found out that you’re a doctor?”

Cas thought about it, and then decidedly shook his head. “No, me and him clicked without that coming up. I mentioned it, but that didn’t change anything.”

“Then he just figured you’re well to do,” Gabriel switched gears. “And he’s gonna latch on to you as much as he can and spend your money.”

“No,” Cas growled by now. “He won’t do that.”

“How can you be sure? You’ve known the guy 24 hours and I bet you didn’t do much else than fuck your brains out.”

Now Castiel was really angry, what was Gabriel thinking talking to him like that?

“That is really none of your business, and the way I see it, the only one who has lied to me and pulled stupid tricks on me, is you. I suggest you leave now before I get really angry.”

“But-”

“Now, Gabriel.”

 

Gabriel went without another word and Cas had to sit down once he was gone, groaning and rubbing his head which started to develop last night’s hangover headache again.

Just a few minutes ago, he had been happy and now? He’d have to tell Dean of course, Dean would frown, look as angry as he had been this morning and now that he was under no obligation to stay, he would go immediately. Cas wasn’t kidding himself, he wasn’t in any way interesting or funny to be around, Gabriel had proven that to him time and again.

And what if Gabriel was right? He spun the thought further, since he already was convinced that he was actually a pretty boring person. What if Dean really saw this chance with him as an opportunity to do better and nothing more? Was all this flirting and the way Dean was around him just his persona and it wasn’t actually directed at Cas?

His thoughts spun around in circles, and after a bit, he himself walked around in circles as well, always the same questions popping up in his mind until he couldn’t take it anymore and just had to do something. He checked his watch, it hadn’t even been two hours since Dean started his shift, and with all that was going on, Cas still remembered better not to go there while Dean was working so he filed out into the casino instead.

It was loud and it did nothing for his headache but at least he was distracted as he watched the gamblers loose their money. He stared, again feeling as if he was stumbling around at the fringes, the only one in Vegas that didn’t have fun, the only one not happy with his life was playing out in general.

He found himself in front of the strip club once more after a while, dreading to go in, dreading to stay outside, but in the end deciding that he could hold on for a little longer, taking a Tylenol and staring at himself in the bathroom mirror once he was back up from his aimless meandering. 

He looked better than this morning, and he knew he must have looked better still before Gabriel’s revelation. He stared at himself, hearing a knock at the door and seeing how his entire appearance changed, when the thought inside of him awoke that it must be Dean. His shoulders weren’t slouched anymore, the lines on his forehead disappeared along with the sad expression in his eyes. Instead he smiled and walked quickly over to open the door.

“Fucking hell, that was the longest shift known to man,” Dean said, squeezing in through the door much like Gabriel had before and being infinitely more welcome here as he moved over and dumped his duffle on the bed.

“I swear, those people were having a contest about who could grope me the most,” he shook his head, unzipping the bag and taking his jeans and shirt off which he had worn to come up here.

“Glad it’s over, now I can have someone grope me whose hands I actually want on me,” he grinned, walking over in cowboy boots and messily cut shorts, taking Cas’ hands up and placing them on his ass with a happy sigh as he moved Cas against the wall, hooking his leg over his own hips again and said: “Picking it up right where we left it, huh sweetheart?” and kissed him.

Cas reciprocated, letting Dean’s mouth and hands work their miracles on him, making him feel good again, but he couldn’t fully enjoy this because of what he had to tell him.

“C’mon, work with me here, Cas,” Dean seemed to notice that Cas was distracted because he parted their mouths, staring at him with slight confusion drawn on his face. “What’s up?”

“I have something to tell you, and I should do it while we’re not crotch to crotch,” Cas said, slowly letting his leg slip off Dean and walking over to the bed once more to sit down.

“You’re scary, Cas,” Dean said as he followed him, sitting down next to him with crossed legs.

“Yeah…,” Cas rumbled but figured it would be best to pull the band aid off quickly. “Turns out my brother is a scoundrel and we didn’t get back up last night.”

“He?” Dean asked, looking adorably confused so Cas couldn’t help but lean in for a quick kiss before he went on.

“We never got married last night. The suits, the entry… everything arranged by my brother.”

“Oh, I see,” Dean said, and Cas was on the one hand happy to see actual disappointment showing on Dean’s face, and on the other also wary because of what Gabriel had said and he hated himself for now suspecting that Dean had an ulterior motive for wanting a relationship with him.

He was confused by Dean breaking out into a wide grin next, stroking Cas again and pressing him down onto the bed.

“That’s great, actually. Means we haven’t missed anything and can start this like normal people. So hello, my name is Dean Winchester, I’m an Aquarius, I work as a stripper and I want you to take your clothes off.”

Cas snorted with laughter at that, feeling perfectly happy all of a sudden as Dean undressed both of them with too much enthusiasm and before the situation turned even more compromising, he paused, Cas’ head in his palms and panted out: “By the way, it’s not like it’s an actual honeymoon anymore, but I managed to get the next three days off, and I got a friend who’s got a friend who’s got a shack in the middle of the desert, and I wanna kidnap you and take you there tomorrow. And I think I can get the weekend off in two weeks, so I’ll come visit you then, unless you’re busy of course.”

“I’ll make sure not to be,” Cas answered, guiding Dean’s hands down his body and kissing him hungrily, putting the doubts that his brother had planted into his head far away and just enjoyed the rest of the night.


	7. Chapter 7

“Your brother is an ass,” Dean told Cas the next morning while he was driving them both out to the cabin in the woods, which actually wasn’t anywhere near any woods but a few miles out of Vegas, off the main highway and then another few miles off the main road down a dirt track.

“Didn’t you say you love this car?” Cas asked, holding on the handle on the inside of the door, and his seat belt as well while Dean rumpled over the bumps in the road in his classic car.

“What did you say it was?”

“67 Chevy Impala,” Dean whooped, taking another bump in the road with loud jubilee.

“I’m gonna die,” Cas groaned. “I’m gonna die in this car, in this damn desert, and I haven’t even gotten laid this morning.”

“That’s because I had to pack and make you killer pancakes. But don’t worry, once we’re there you can have all the sex you want.”

“I won’t, because we’ll die first.”

“Then we’ll make sweet ghost love in the afterlife.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What, afterlife?”

“No, ‘making love’. You can’t make love. You can’t put 5 units of love you made onto a shelf.”

“Then what do you call it?”

“Having sex, fucking, screwing, anything other than… that,” he went on. “It’s a nonsensical metaphor. But none of that matters, because we‘re gonna be dead either way.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’re almost there,” Dean said, but took his foot off the gas pedal a bit and held Cas’ hand.

“Hey, you haven’t taken the ring off,” Cas said as Dean’s left hand tightened on the wheel.

“Neither have you,” Dean remarked, twiddling with Cas’ own ring. “You know what bugs me? That your brother came into your room and actually put all that stuff up, even put rings on our fingers. That’s kinda creepy.”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Cas said and it was true. He had been thinking about Gabriel’s motivation and his words a bit over the course of the morning. “I think he meant well, and he’s worried about me falling for someone who doesn’t deserve it. That doesn’t make any of the things he did or said alright, of course,” Cas finished.

“Are you gonna forgive him?”

“Eventually, he’s my brother after all. You know what that’s like, right?”

“Yeah, totally,” Dean nodded as they pulled up in front of a wooden house with a porch all around.

“I know it’s not all that flashy,” Dean scratched his head. “But it’s solid and it’s really quiet. Water’s not that good though, so we’ll have to shower together.”

“That worked quite well this morning already,” Cas said, memories of Dean giving him his first blow job in the shower coming back to him.

Dean chuckled dirtily, obviously remembering how Cas had reciprocated and to the surprise of both had moaned all throughout giving Dean head and actually having to jerk himself off too, because he was so much into it.

“Good times,” Dean rasped, leaning over to give Cas a kiss before they got out of the car and Dean brought out his signature duffle bag and Cas the suitcase he had come to Vegas with and had thrown all his things in in a haste this morning.

“Do you really think we got enough supplies?” Cas asked Dean as they walked over to the door and Dean unlocked it. He had asked the same question twice already while they stood in line with their shopping cart and when they were turning off the main road.

Dean rolled his eyes about him and just walked into the house, mumbling: “We’re not gonna die within three days,” while nudging Cas friendly before going in.

Cas took a look around as he followed him. The house was rustic to be sure, but in a way that didn’t seem raggedy but instead he felt himself relax immediately because it looked very comfortable. There was a couch here that looked old and a little shabby, but also very inviting to sit on, the bed was directly in the main and only room, and it looked much more solid than Dean’s bed in his apartment, though Cas kinda hoped that it would creak a little too since he found himself quite fond of the sound now. The bathroom was small, but clean, and despite Dean’s words that the water wasn’t good, everything worked even though they obviously couldn‘t squander anything.

The kitchenette looked completely functional too, but Cas was a bit surprised about an old-fashioned ice box instead of a fridge and asked Dean in horror if they had power in this house.

“Sure we have, there are a few sockets around and a generator out back to keep the power working in any case. You worried that your phone will run outta juice?”

“Yes, a bit.”

“Ok now I'm offended, Cas. Am I not enough entertainment for you? Do you really need wifi and candy crush to have a good time?”

“What’s candy crush?”

“Seriously? You don’t know that?”

“No?” Cas asked, wondering what big secret of humanity he wasn’t aware of now and felt a little like back in highschool when everyone made all those references to animes and games he didn’t play.

“It’s stupid really, another facebook game to spend your money on because you can’t get the suckers finished otherwise. I haven’t played it, I just heard the curses when the last move didn’t do shit to finish the level,” he chuckled. “But anyway,” he got back to telling Cas about the house. “We have a TV, even though we don’t have all the cable stations, so if we want to curl up with a boring movie tonight, we can. Eh, yeah. You’ve seen the bathroom, and the main room,” he lifted his arms up at his sides. “And that’s about it. We can take a tour outside if you like before the sun gets too high and we’re baking out there.”

“I’d like that,” Cas told him and they walked back out of the cabin, first all around the porch where a table, some chairs and a hollywood swing were set up, and then off to the other side from the road, there was the desert.

“We could go down there,” Dean said, going back in to pick up two bottles of water, and when he was back, pointing to a place that looked interesting. There was a small hilly formation there and some rocks.

Before he knew it, Cas was pulled off to the spot Dean had indicated, loving to hold Dean’s hand as they walked.

“Let’s climb that,” Dean grinned and asked: “What?” with a thirst for exploration palpable in him when Cas didn‘t follow immediately.

“I don’t know,” Cas shook his head, trying to hold Dean back. “I don’t have any climbing shoes and-”

“C’mon, Cas!” Dean pleaded with a grin, actually bending his knees a little to show his eagerness. “It’ll be fun, and perfectly safe. Let’s have some _fun_.”

Cas still wasn’t really convinced but he loved how Dean was so excited about it. Once they actually stood in front of the rock Dean wanted to climb, Cas had to concede that it wasn’t too steep and the climb wasn’t even all that exhausting.

“Awesome, isn’t it?” Dean grinned as they reached the top and took a look around, seeing the typical high Nevada desert rocks, some cactuses and when Dean pointed it out, even a snake that wriggled itself through the sand sideways.

“Wouldn’t it be easier if it just went straight ahead?”

“No, because it’s actually got a better grip on the sand this way. And I checked the weather. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow. You’re gonna love how different everything looks when it’s raining.”

“As long as were not going too near one of those snakes,” Cas said a little nervously because he knew how poisonous rattlesnakes were.

“Don’t worry, if one of them bites you, I’ll personally suck the venom out. Wouldn’t be the first thing I sucked outta you,” he chuckled and sat down on the rock.

“You’re gross,” Cas rumbled.

“Ah, you love it,” Dean told him, holding out his arm insistently and Cas felt reminded of how he had waggled a forkful of breakfast at him and just knew that Dean wouldn’t take no for an answer.

He sank into Dean’s arm while the man in question seemed wholly unconcerned with how insistent he had just been to get Cas closer, just staring into the distance and taking in the stillness.

“This is nice,” Cas sighed, his head on Dean’s shoulder now, finally finding the quiet vacation he had wanted, and on top of it all, not having to go on it alone either.

“Just nice?” Dean asked, raising Cas’ chin up, his perpetual smile growing softer as he looked at him. “Gotta do better then,” he rasped, and then he kissed Cas, soft and passionately.

 

Cas didn’t think he had ever appreciated how good it felt to make out for hours before he met Dean. There was an immense closeness between them, neither Dean’s hands nor lips leaving Cas’ body for long and he giving back as good as he got, quietly moaning and rubbing, sometimes breaking out in laughter when Dean looked at him and grinned, followed by pulling him close and starting all over.

Neither of them noticed the time that passed, too engrossed in each other, but soon Cas hissed because Dean had pressed him down, wanting to slide onto him and give their endless make out session a different character.

“What?” Dean asked breathless, his lips pink and swollen.

“It’s getting hot,” Cas said.

“Oh baby, it’s hot alright. It’s been hot from the very beginning,” Dean gave back, stroking Cas on top of his trousers now.

“No, not that,” Cas chuckled deeply. “I mean the stone is steaming hot under me and the sun is burning.”

“Shit you’re right,” Dean noticed, helping Cas up with a tender hand around his waist. “Let’s go in.”

 

The walk back to the cabin seemed longer than before which was very unusual because normally it would feel much shorter to go back a way you’ve already walked, but this time, Cas was eager to feel Dean on himself again and every second that he didn’t seemed like three at least, making the waiting agonisingly long.

“It’s actually not that hot in here,” Cas found with a pleased sigh as they entered the relatively cool cabin.

“I can change that,” Dean chuckled and ushered Cas over to the bed, his insistent hand right where it was before, his lips and tongue trailing down Cas’ neck in little circling and crossing patterns.

“I know what you meant though,” he said when Cas was already on the edge of being completely wrecked, with Dean slipping his t shirt off right now, no less. “In the afternoon it gets hot enough, but there is heat insulation within the walls and the roof, so I hope it‘ll be alright.”

“Huh?” Cas asked, his fingers reaching to touch Dean’s naked chest.

“Forgot how to English again, baby?”

“Uh huh,” Cas groaned back, unbuttoning his own shirt and sighing when they had skin contact again.

Dean stroked him, more and more hungry, his fingers tweaking Cas’ nipples and smoothing down his chest while Cas did the same to him, but making out wasn’t enough anymore, both of them panting and staring at the other, wanting more.

Cas reached down, opening Dean’s trousers and sliding them down immediately, too eager to let him get up to shake everything off, before his hand was in Dean’s briefs, moaning wanton when he flicked his wrist over Dean’s cock and found it pearling precome.

“See what you’re doing to me?” Dean whispered, thrusting into Cas’ fist and nearly losing it as he shakily opened Cas pants as well.

Everything spurred Cas on even more, the sharp tug of Dean’s strong hands jerking his hips off the bed when he eagerly opened his zipper, his sweaty palms making contact with the coarse material and finally a pleased sigh when Dean’s hand was on him.

“Don’t stop,” Cas moaned, unashamed and happy as Dean jerked him.

“Fuck, I won’t,” Dean answered, moving on him, fucking himself into Cas’ fist and coming onto Cas’ stomach with loud sounds humming in his throat involuntarily.

“Sorry, I couldn’t give you more warning. Made a mess, didn’t I?” he asked, but didn’t wait for an answer, wholly focused on Cas now, bringing his knee up between Cas’ legs, applying just the right pressure to his balls that Cas’ come joined Dean’s on his own stomach after another minute of hand job.

“Made a mess too,” Cas panted, Dean reaching out for a tissue box on the nightstand to wipe Cas off so that he could rub his torso over him without a sticky mess between them as he started making out with Cas once more, the afterplay turning into foreplay again as the sun continued it’s way on the firmament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ever mention how much I miss pre-hell Dean's smirks and happiness? At least here he's still the same. *sigh*


	8. Chapter 8

Around mid-afternoon Cas lay panting on the mattress, his whole body breaking out in sweat while Dean moved inside him.

“You’re shivering,” Dean whispered, thrusting deep and steady into Cas, who nodded.

“Do you know the feeling when it’s hot outside, but because you feel so good, there is this inner warmth inside you that makes you shiver in the heat?”

“Yeah,” Dean answered, groaning as he went into Cas over and over. 

“It’s very rare to happen,” Cas said, smoothing his thigh over Dean’s back.

“Does that make me special?” Dean panted.

Cas only answered with a moan as he pulled Dean’s head down to him, feeling him deep inside himself and his skin broke out in goosebumps, another shiver creeping down his spine as he came onto Dean’s hand around his cock.

“Yes,” Cas could finally pant now. “You’re special,” he confirmed, finding Dean’s ass, loving how it flexed under his hands as Dean fucked his own orgasm into him.

 

Later, both of them trembled because they didn’t even realise how they had broken out in sweat while having sex and now that the blood wasn’t rushing through their veins anymore, the sweat made them feel cold even in the baking heat of the desert afternoon.

“Look at us, huddling together under a blanket like we’re freezing while it‘s a hundred degrees outside,” Dean tipped his index finger against Cas’ trembling bottom lip. “I’d warm those perfect lips, baby, but my own feel like they’re swollen to twice their diameter.”

“They look like it too,” Cas told him, brushing over Dean’s pink lips, very softly kissing him and then laying his head on Dean’s pillow, humming low in his throat: “I never felt as good as this.”

“Yeah, right,” Dean started to laugh, but checked himself when Cas remained completely still next to him. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Cas nodded, hugging him and tangling their legs together, resting his head on Dean’s chest now. “And my brother was wrong. Wrong about everything. I didn’t just pick up any random guy, I could have been with anyone in that club and no one would have had the same effect on me as you. And you’re not just after me for my money, you like me. You like me well enough to take time off for us to be together and I see it in the way you look at me, the way you react to my presence. As you said in the beginning, I can’t quit you. I literally can’t be away from you. Nor can I keep my hands off you,” he confirmed this by letting the back of his hand wander up and down Dean’s chest, his short nails making Dean break out in goosebumps too as he answered.

“Nor do you have to,” he said, turning onto his back and playing over Cas’ hand on his chest, while tugging Cas tightly to his side. “I’ll be here as long as you want me here.” Dean swallowed heavily, adjusted on the bed, and played over Cas’ spine, up and down, until Cas shivered again.

“So tell me, what kinda doctor are you, apart from being a surgeon?”

“Children. I’m a child surgeon, or I will be once my final exam is over.”

“That’s gotta be rough,” Dean said. “Sick kids, and you operate them?”

“Yes, but it’s not just about that. Some of the children are in the hospital for months, and they get attached easily, if you’re friendly with them.”

“So the kids like you, Dr. Castiel?”

“Most of them do. You just gotta listen to them and show interest in what they tell you. I‘ve read more comics with my patients than I ever read before, not to mention children‘s movies and such. But I also work with babies.”

“Like newborns? Intensive care for babies that were born too early?”

“How do you know?” Cas asked.

“I watch medical shows,” Dean grinned. 

“Oh don’t get me started on those,” Cas sighed. “They get so much wrong.”

“They’re fun though. And I heard that at least the part with the dating life of doctors is right. You’re all stuck in the hospital all the time and only date other doctors because you’re seeing each other all the time. Do you really have that little free time?”

“Just about,” Cas confirmed. “But now that I’ve specialised, everyone knows their place and actually goes home between shifts. There were times when we spent days in the hospital, sleeping in on call rooms whenever we could to get as many operations as possible.”

“Sounds exhausting,” Dean yawned. “So you didn’t date any doctors? I know you told me it had been a long time for you to have sex, but you know, did you ever date someone there?”

“No, not really. I went out with a colleague some times, mostly when I didn’t want to be alone at events, but he’s an arrogant asshole and tried to charm his way into my pants every time.”

“So, why’d you never let him? Must have been lonely there and arrogant assholes are mostly good in bed, even if it’s just for one night of fun.”

“I don’t really think I’m the one night kind, and I’m glad not to have picked up an asshole over the years. I much prefer your way,” he told Dean, looking up at him now. “Perhaps that’s what drew me to you, even when I didn’t know you. Your warmth, your affection, your smile. That was the first impression I got of you. Before I started staring at you,” Cas chuckled, kissing Dean’s chest because he was too lazy to reach further up. 

“Dean,” he grew serious again. “I really like you and although we’re under no obligation to try now, I want to make us work, take one step at a time.”

“Woah, baby. What are you doing?” Dean asked, when Cas slipped the fake wedding band off his finger. 

“It wasn’t put on by you and so it doesn’t really mean anything.”

“Ok,” Dean said, seeing his point and slipping the ring off his own finger, holding out his hand for Cas to let his fall in. “I’m keeping them though. Who knows when we might need them again,” he smirked and kissed Cas on the forehead, reaching out with a content sigh and let the rings rest on the nightstand for now.

Dean turned around again, lazily hugging Cas, stroking over his jawline and thumping over his cheekbones while Cas adjusted to being at line of sight with Dean again.

“We’re gonna make this work, slowly but surely. I’m gonna come over to see you and when’s this big test of yours, anyway?”

“In about a month,” Cas answered, nervous about the entire thing right now and Dean immediately picked up on it.

“Hey hey, no panicking. You’ll do great. Seriously, how did you not break under all this stress without taking your mind off it at least three times a week?”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, I’d have blown you whenever you were stressed about big exams coming up. Made you coffee if you’d have to study, worked out the kinks in your back when you’re over the books and medical journals all night.”

“I’d love it if you did that some time. They’ll be enough chances for me to flip out from now until then.”

“Hey, if you’re a real big fancy doctor soon, you’re probably not gonna tell anyone in the hospital about me, will you? Doesn’t look good,” Dean voiced the thing that Cas had thought in the very beginning, but now he reacted differently. 

He shook his head, climbing onto Dean, pressing him back down into the mattress and saying: “I’m proud that you’re with me. You’re wonderful and you’re what I’ve missed. They’ll gossip back at the hospital, but who cares. Next month, they’ll have something different to talk about.”

“I bet they’ll be jealous,” Dean grinned, now Cas had declared his intentions. “I’m a total catch,” he chuckled but Cas wasn’t in a laughing mood.

“You are,” he simply said, kissing Dean deeply and letting his fingers trail up until he was cradling his head, merely brushing his lips, because despite how much he wanted Dean right now, it was too hot to go again while the sun was still up, and so he parted their mouths with: “Can we wash ourselves now? Preferably with cold water, because you‘ll surely give me a heatstroke otherwise.”

“Might’nt be a bad idea,” Dean gave back and they shared a rather decent shower, although Dean leaned in once or twice, nearly closing his eyes and demanding a kiss in the insistent way that Cas had grown to find very adorable. But he always pulled back when he was satisfied, and after their shower, they really had cooled down a bit and then lay across from each other on the couch which really turned out to be very comfortable, watching whatever was on TV. 

Cas didn‘t really pay attention because he was too busy watching Dean, relaxed and with his eyelids drooping until he started snoring softly. Cas knew he had it bad for the other man when even that registered in his brain as adorable and he wished it was cool enough so he could cuddle up, but instead he just watched over Dean as he slept.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m still kinda tired,” Dean yawned as he got up and they unpacked the ingredients for their dinner.

“Then let me do the cooking,” Cas offered but Dean elbowed him out of the way.

“Uh uh, no way. I invited you here, so it’s my job to spoil you.”

“You already do. Let me repay the favour,” Cas offered once more but Dean gently but firmly pressed him into a chair.

“You can help with cutting, seasoning, and you’re allowed to stare at my butt.”

“That last one is mandatory,” Cas grinned.

“Speaking of,” Dean said as he got out pots and pans. “Not that I don’t love yours, y’know, but are you an exclusive bottom? Just for future reference.”

“I would say ‘mostly’ because it’s the most fun for me. You?”

“I like giving people what they need,” Dean shrugged and then grinned back at Cas over his shoulder. “And I plan to give you all the fun you want.”

“Sounds very promising,” Cas smiled back and then focused on what Dean was cooking.

“Coq au vin?” he said, very impressed.

“Yeah, like I said spoiling and fun, right?” Dean grinned with a bit of embarrassment visible on his handsome features for choosing a rather fancy dinner to impress Cas and let him know that he could be sophisticated if that was what he wanted.

Cas nodded and after everything was ready to cook, Dean even allowed him to stir for a while, but Cas groaned when Dean used the opportunity to lay the table.

“You just let me stand here with a big, wooden spoon in my hand while you do the rest?”

“Kinky Cas,” Dean rasped seductively, winking as he caught his gaze, and Cas huffed and turned around to stir their food as if it had offended him.

“Let go of me, I’m cooking,” he said when Dean stepped up behind him and hugged him apologetically.

“Not a chance,” Dean whispered into his neck, and unwillingly Cas got goosebumps there. “You’re on vacation, remember?”

“That doesn’t mean you have to do everything,” Cas gave back, the spoon clonking against the pot angrily, until Dean’s fingers closed over Cas' and slowed him down.

“Gently,” he mumbled. “You gotta do this with love.”

“And you’re a bit of a control freak, Dean,” Cas said, gently stroking Dean’s arm around his waist to take the sting the words undoubtedly had out of them. “You have to let me do some things for you as well, I don’t want this to be a one-sided thing. It’s great that you love giving, it’s who I think you are. But,” he turned around, his hands trailing up Dean’s torso and resting on the sides of his neck as he went on: “Sometimes you have to receive, you know? Take it from me, it gets very lonely if you just hand out and don’t find someone who gives back equally.”

Dean swallowed heavily, chuckling lightly but couldn’t meet Cas’ eyes anymore and instead said: “And now no one’s stirring the food. That’s not good, either.” 

He turned Cas softly and then went back to finishing their meal.

“Dean,” Cas said empathetically, not wanting to drop the subject.

“I hear ya,” Dean said with a sigh as he turned the stove off. “Hell, my family never thanked me for anything. I gave everything I ever had, and it wasn’t good enough for dad or Sammy. They didn‘t stick around me and it‘s awful, not to be needed anymore.”

“I need you,” Cas said.

“I need you too,” Dean answered, starting to serve dinner and when he had filled both their plates with food, he didn’t sit back down immediately, but got over to Cas again, hugging him tight and kissing him, playfully thumping over Cas’ cheeks. “Do you believe in love at first sight, Cas?” he whispered.

“I didn’t, but now I think I do,” Cas answered truthfully. 

Dean grinned at him with almost childish glee and when they finally sat down to eat, Cas complimented his cooking because it had been mostly Dean’s work anyway.

“Tell me more about yourself and your family.”

“Well, you know some of it already. After mom got killed in a house fire, we moved around a bit, still staying in the same city though, because dad kinda had this fixation with finding the one who torched our house. After a while, he had made enemies of all our landlords, had debts all around and shipped us off to a friend of his, Missouri Moseley. He checked in every now and again, sometimes he took us with him when he went out looking for another job but we always returned to Lawrence when he lost his new job because he showed up drunk or not at all.   
We spent some time in South Dakota too, with a family friend though by the time dad took off Bobby was kinda more our father than dad ever was. That last time before he vanished, he took us with himself to Oregon and then left middle of the night, no money, no way to contact anyone, in a shitty motel room.   
I started to work, to pay for everything and to get us back to Bobby. We showed up at his doorstep and I hadn’t slept or eaten for in three days and nights because I gave everything I got to Sammy and watched over him. I got sick from exhaustion, like really sick and couldn’t even leave the house for a couple a’ months. By then I had missed so much school that I had to drop out entirely because the school in Sioux Falls wouldn‘t take me in anymore unless I did a whole additional year and that seemed like a waste of time because all my credits would have been lost. Bobby made sure I got my GED though, was more relaxed that way and I could do some courses on the side too.”

“It really sounds like you’ve had a rough time. You and your brother can be glad that you had each other in all of this, though I imagine that you took on almost everything by yourself.”

“Yeah, I kinda did. But I’m proud to say that Sammy got the education he deserved because of it, and the money I saved up will make it easier for him to do his next degree.”

“But didn’t you say he got a full ride? It’s likely that that’s gonna be the case for his law degree as well.”

“Yeah, but best to prepare for the worst, y’know?”

“Sure, but what if…. How will you spend that money when you don’t have to spend it on your brother?”

Dean obviously didn’t know how to answer that question, probably hadn’t even thought about spending the small fortune he had assembled in tips and salary for himself.

“I don’t wanna think about that right now. If I make plans and then am not able to follow through, I would be disappointed.”

“Dean, this is exactly what I was talking about. Allow yourself the luxury to think about what you would do with the money.”

Dean seemed to think hard about this before he answered: “I guess I could go back to school. I did a few prep courses for psychology and my tutor said I can read people, like have an ability for it.”

“That’s great,” Cas beamed. “Seems like a long term goal you could set yourself, don’t you think?”

“You mean like really do a degree in this and then work as a counsellor or something?”

“Yes, absolutely. You could do it and to be entirely honest with you, I’d like me to be the only person to see your cock sooner or later.”

“Then you’d be the one to pamper me when I have to study,” Dean chuckled and Cas took up his hand from the table and tangled their fingers together.

“I’d be honoured to do that,” he smiled. “Promise to think about it?”

“Yeah, will do,” Dean answered, a bit overwhelmed about the entire conversation as he added: “Would you really be game for that? I mean I haven’t studied for a while and you’re almost completely finished. Wouldn’t you rather…,” his words trailed off, not even knowing what he wanted to say.

“It’s because I’m nearly done that I can offer this to you. You could do your studies completely relaxed, do one thing for yourself in your life and wouldn’t have to worry about making money or anything because I’d do that. You could work of course, because I figure you’d feel purposeless without providing in some form or other, but it wouldn’t be a necessity. The only necessity for both of us would be me and you, every day. But of course, we’d have to see if we want to take that step and what happens when your brother graduates. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like I wanna pack my bags as soon as we get back,” Dean chuckled but when he got up and came back with a Häagen-Dazs and two spoons, he added: “It’s a great plan, Cas. I can see that happening in a few months maybe,” he loaded his spoon up with a load of ice cream and put it into his mouth at once. 

Cas had to bite his lips about wanting to laugh as Dean held his head where he doubtless felt a sharp pain now as he asked with his mouth full: “And what about your family?”

When Cas finally lost it and chuckled darkly about him, Dean only asked: “What?” with a pained grin.

“You’re adorable, that’s all,” Cas kissed the corner of his mouth and licked ice cream off it.

“Says the man who’s cheeks are so squishy that I could just hold them in my hands for hours,” Dean grinned.

“What set of cheeks are you referring to?” Cas gave back.

“Either of them.”

They both laughed for a bit while eating ice cream, Cas sometimes stepping in and taking half of Dean’s off his spoon so he wouldn’t get a headache again. 

“That’s kinda hot,” Dean said, his lip quirking up flirty.

“No, the ice is quite cold, that’s why I’m making sure you’re not eating too much at once.”

“Ha ha, hilarious,” Dean deadpanned but then grinned in a way that Cas already recognised as his horny expression, but it was still too hot to have sex again so Cas started talking to distract both of them for a while.

“You asked me about my family, right? You’ve briefly met Gabriel-”

“The douche, yeah.”

“-who can sometimes be a douche,” Cas went on in spite of the interruption. “My parents are both dead by now, but we’re all surgeons in our family, so we were raised with big shoes to fill. They were disappointed when Gabriel chose trauma surgery, because that’s where you get the least grandeur and earn the least money. By the time I was about to specialise, they already weren’t there anymore so I never got all their disapproval thrown at me.”

“That must suck. You’re successful and choose something you wanna do but your parents don’t approve anyway just out of spite to not get their way.”

“I found my own way, even though I’m still part of the family line,” Cas nodded. “By now I think it would be good if I got their approval in the end and Gabriel too, but it’s not that bad that we haven’t got it. I was provided for, perhaps not with as much love as there is in some families, but my childhood wasn’t bad either.”

“But it still left you lonely and without seeing the need to be with someone until very recently and you just kinda broke?” Dean suggested.

“You could put it that way,” Cas nodded. “And I could not have picked a better person to break with, because I feel like you can stem the tide and put me back together, new and improved.”

“I like to think of it as two puzzles that got mixed and now make one big one, instead of two.”

“Your metaphors are on point already, you’ll make a great counsellor,” Cas smiled.

“Let me stomach all this first before we jump, ok? I know I would’ve jumped if we actually were married right now, but like this we can really take our time with this.”

“Dean?”

“Yes?”

“When you said that we weren’t married right now, I swear you looked a bit disappointed,” Cas observed because he had noticed Dean’s eyes seeming sad like when he talked about this childhood before the impression faded.

“Perhaps I am a bit, because it would have made it, I dunno, easier? This way, the usual one, there is room for uncertainty, if you get me. I haven’t ever gotten that far with someone to make long term plans and I’m really new to this kinda thing.”

“Me too, Dean, I don’t have the faintest idea about whether or not we’re doing this right, or if there even is a right and we shouldn’t just make our own rules.”

“Oh, we definitely should do that,” Dean said, taking the first opportunity to get off the beaten track and make their own way, their own future. “And the first rule is that we’re going back to the couch now to cuddle and watching some lame ass game show or something and make fun of the contestants.”

“That’s a rule?” Cas laughed as they cleared the table.

“Only if you approve it.”

“I approve,” Cas still smiled softly, “and I put up the rule that once it’s cool again, we’ll have sex on that couch.”

“I approve,” Dean nearly shouted and grabbed Cas, both nearly giddy with happiness as they tumbled down onto the cushions and while the TV stayed on, they both let out sighs of contentment now and again, and later on, those sighs got louder and heavier while Cas rode Dean’s cock, his hips swaying which Dean complimented throughout the entire duration of the sex.

When they were done, they stumbled over to the bed with wobbly knees, Dean steadying Cas who had first refused to even make the effort, but with a little help, they both reached the mattress and Cas admitted that it was more comfortable here with Dean’s arms around him no less, even though he grumbled a bit when Dean gave him an ‘I told you so’ kiss before they went to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Cas had reached the state of absolute content he had wanted from his holiday in the first place. He told Dean about wanting to get out to clear his head and that he was definitely of an introverted nature because his brother's idea of a holiday didn't cause anything but headaches for him.

“Me too, actually,” Dean said and while they walked through the desert once more, he told him that the smiles and the flirting was just an act to seem like he was all out there, but he loved the quiet, got his strength out of being by himself or as Cas witnessed when they returned, out of simple companionship when they curled up on the couch once more without speaking for a long time.

“No one would guess that you’re introverted,” he said later, lying square across Dean’s chest. “They’d all think you’re a party animal, a little _too_ rough and rowdy.”

“That’s cause I’m overdoing it. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people tend to trample over you when you let it show that you don’t at all thrive on being with loads of people that aren’t familiar or actually part of your family.”

“Is it exhausting to put that act on?” Cas wondered, softly stroking over a dimple that flashed on Dean’s face as he smiled at him.

“It’s easy. Easier than lettin’ people know who you really are. But it’s not for you, you’re too pure for that. Your face betrays all your emotions and you’ll never fool anyone when you try to lie.”

“How do you know that?”

“Readin’ people, remember?” Dean tapped against his temple. “You could try right now. Convince me of something that’s not true. Say… you don’t like me.”

Cas put on a frown, and the second he tried to pretend, he felt absolutely awkward, squaring his shoulders stiffly and rasped: “I don’t like you, Dean Winchester. You’re abominable.”

“Nice try, but next time you should actually keep distance between us, and perhaps get your hands out from underneath my shirt,” Dean chuckled, roughly pulling Cas in with his arm around the back of his neck. “Try again.”

“You’re infuriating,” Cas groaned truthfully.

“Better, but try less to sound like you’re aroused.”

“How will I manage that? I _am_ aroused!”

“I’ve noticed,” Dean grinned dirtily, rubbing his thigh over Cas’ crotch. “How about this then: You convince me that you don’t want me. Think you can manage that?” Dean asked.

“Sure, why not,” Cas said overenthusiastic and with an awkward shrug that had Dean stifle a chuckle by reaching up, cradling Cas’ neck and pressing kisses to his Adam’s apple and down his neck.

Cas huffed out a breath, his fingers crooking involuntarily, and then digging into Dean’s shoulder.

“You’re not even trying,” Dean whispered hungrily, his fingers sneaking into Cas’ pants, fondling his velvety hardness, until Cas breathing hitched, and he choked on an undignified sound coming out of his mouth.

“Did you just squeal?”

“No?” Cas rasped angrily. “Absolutely not?”

“I totally believe ya,” Dean snickered, and went right back to what he was doing before, prodding and pushing Cas’ clothes out of the way until his head was snipping and he panted, his cock hard in Dean’s fist.

“I want you,” Cas groaned out, thrusting into Dean’s hand.

“You were supposed to convince me of the opposite,” Dean taunted him until Cas growled and pulled him up.

“Screw that,” he cursed. “I’ll just stay easy to read. Now please, Dean. Fuck me!”

“So bossy, baby. I love it,” Dean grinned, watching as Cas draped himself over the back of the couch, his pants down and his ass up.

“Be right with you,” Dean said, jumping off and retrieving the lube from the nightstand, only to turn around and undress seductively where Cas could see it from his crouched position.

“You’re so sexy,” he rasped and felt his heart beating rapidly when Dean started grinning wide.

“Says the gorgeous creature with his ass all up in the air just for me.”

Cas felt the cushions shift a little behind him and with a start and a pleased groan he felt Dean’s fingers prod him open, slick and perfect as Dean took him apart for a long while with just slow and steady pushes of his fingers.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked, leaning over Cas’ back to whisper in his ear, his hands now massaging Cas’ shoulder.

“Infuriatingly empty,” Cas growled dangerously, pushing back onto Dean’s hips to show him that his endless foreplay hadn't managed to take the heat out of him, and had only made it worse. “Is there a reason why you’re not inside me already?”

“So much sass,” Dean chuckled, slicking up and finally breaching into Cas. “Better now?” he asked as he bottomed out and Cas clutched the back of the couch in a vice grip.

“Yes,” he moaned triumphantly, moving up a little and Dean bent his head down to him, kissing him deep, his fingers playing over Cas’ straining neck as he started to fuck him.

Cas got louder and louder as Dean moved inside him, forcing him deeper by meeting his thrusts, guiding Dean’s hand down to his hip bone to pull him onto his cock with even more force, while both panted and enjoyed the obscene position fully.

“I’m close,” Dean moaned, lifting Cas a little to lap into his mouth more comfortably, fisting Cas’ cock jerkily while the rhythm of his thrusts faltered and he in the end just rutted with loud moans.

“Come inside me,” Cas gave an answering moan, completely focused on his hand in Dean’s hair, shooting his orgasm all out onto Dean’s hand, feeling Dean pant into his neck, holding on to his torso for dear life as he rode his orgasm into his clenching ass making his whole world all about him as Cas felt Dean orgasm inside himself.

Cas bent himself lower to rest on the couch, keeping Dean on his back to give him time to relax while subtly taking his pulse to see if his lover was alright after their perfect intercourse.

“Can’t keep myself up like this,” Dean muttered and Cas reacted by holding onto Dean’s arms around him, draping himself on the seat cushions of the couch with Dean limp on his back until they laid next to each other, Dean peacefully breathing in his ear, and he took his pulse again to calm himself about Dean’s well being.

“Let’s sleep for a bit,” Dean muttered, and Cas felt his stomach caressed with a firm hand, smiling about the fact that they were having sex that was so satisfying that they actually had to take naps to regain their strength afterwards.

Obviously Dean was thinking something similar because he mumbled: “Love how you show me exactly what you want and are not afraid to let me see all of you. Means a lot.”

“And it means a lot to me that you’re giving yourself up to me. When have you ever lost control like that, or have someone help you lie down when you were finished?”

“Just now,” was the exhausted answer before Cas heard the snoring sound that he had heard yesterday afternoon already.

Lulled by the soft sound and Dean’s body pressing close, Cas started daydreaming about doing this in his apartment, about showing Dean everything when he came to visit and over his musings fell asleep as well.

 

When he woke up, he scrunched his forehead and wanted to squat something off his face when he realised that it was Dean’s fingers playing over his jawline and he settled again, only to notice that he was sweaty and clammy as he moved against the other man and their skin stuck together uncomfortably.

“Sorry we don’t have air conditioning here,” Dean chuckled, wanting to bring space between them because of Cas’ squirming but he only shook his head not letting Dean pull away even an inch.

“Would be a waste of resources in the desert,” he rasped. “There are worse fates than to have you pressed against me.”

“Gee, that’s awfully kind of you.”

“Shut up,” Cas groaned, draping Dean’s arm over himself and wanting to go back to sleep but he kept waking up because of a faint noise coming up over and over.

“What is that?”

“Thunder,” Dean quipped, his head propped up on his elbow to listen to the beginning of rain pouring down, and a soft sizzling noise started up outside where the water joined the desert sand.

“I wanna see it,” Cas said eagerly, climbing up but still squirming when they broke skin contact and he picked up his underwear.

“Woah, you’re gonna go out like that?” Dean asked when Cas sprinted over to the door immediately.

“Why not? Come on,” he laughed.

“Someone’s super happy about this,” Dean shook his head with a grin, slipping into his briefs and letting Cas take his hand as they ran out into the desert rain and laughing Cas ran about a mile out, spinning around and laughing even more about Dean’s stunned face.

“Isn’t this amazing? Rain in the desert?”

“I told you it would,” Dean said as he came over and hugged Cas tight, their bodies soaking wet and Cas’ white boxers sticking to his skin so Dean felt entitled to say: “Screw wet t shirt contests, this is so much better,” because the fabric of Cas’ underwear was see through by now.

“Take a look around you,” Dean said, before Cas could turn this to something else, coming toward him with a hungry expression, but Dean obviously wanted him to take his surroundings in more. “Over there, the cactus we saw yesterday?”

“It’s blooming!” Cas noticed with fascination and then started to notice other things growing around them too, some weeds turned green rapidly and something he had seen yesterday and what had seemed like a ravine filled itself with water more and more.

“Tomorrow morning everything will bloom around here,” Dean grinned, giving in to Cas hopping around in a circle with him. “Rain dancing, huh?” he roared of laughter but let Cas’ excitement wash over him just like the much needed rain washed over the Arizona desert.

They sprang around madly, stomping into puddles, kissing hungrily when they came close enough and then again sprang around until Cas heard a rattling very close to his feet when he got to one of the larger puddles that was forming and stopped with panic seeping through him.

“Dean!” he said panicky and held out his hand for Dean not to come closer when he hopped there. “Save yourself.”

“Save myself from what?” Dean asked, coming closer, searching the ground and finally seeing what Cas had meant and where the rattling came from.

A snake, rolled around in perfect attacking position for unlucky birds, was about two feet away from Cas.

“Don’t come closer, Dean. We don’t both have to die.”

“Shut up, Cas,” Dean said, tentatively making his way over to where Cas stood and picking up a thick, dry branch on the way.

He pressed himself against Cas, reached out slowly with his make shift weapon, so as not to startle the animal and once enough of the coils of the snake where on the branch, he lurched forward and threw it through the air, at least 20 feet wide.

“Let’s get away from here before it comes hissing back,” Dean said, pulling Cas with him and back to the house, Cas following him with his head feeling as if it was packed in cotton.

Cas looked at himself once they were inside, his body and feet naked, wet and splotched with dirt from them hopping around in the mud and then he looked up at Dean: “You saved my life.”

“I just got rid of the snake, Cas. No big deal. Poor bastard was probably wanting a meal and instead it learned to fly.”

“It could have bitten me. I could have died.”

“Hey, even if it had bitten you, I told you that I’d suck the venom out. You’re really not an outdoorsy kinda guy, are you?”

“Not really,” Cas shook his head, coming over to hug Dean gushily and press exuberant kisses to his wet face.

“That’s an _awesome_ thank you,” Dean rasped and pulled Cas under the shower to clean up, kissing more.

Afterwards they dressed in dry clothes, and Dean grouchily allowed Cas to make himself tea, even though he would have liked to do that and have Cas rest immediately, but he had to content himself with just holding Cas, who sipped the hot liquid until his lips showed some colour again after the scare with the snake.

They sat there, perfectly content to listen to the rain pouring down. Dean got up later to reheat some of their dinner from yesterday and this time, Cas allowed him to feed him without any objection because he knew Dean needed to take care of him and he was actually bathing in the fact that he now had someone who worried about him like this.


	11. Chapter 11

“Can’t we stay here forever?” Cas asked the next morning, feeling sleepy and happy as his head rested on Dean’s chest after their first round of good morning sex.

“Believe me, baby. I would love to hide out here with you for longer, but I gotta get back to work tomorrow. And your vacation isn’t much longer either.”

“Ah, don’t remind me. Back to the hectic and the long hours,” Cas groaned, even though deep down he felt as balanced and content as never before, all through Dean’s presence. “Wish you could come with me. I shall miss you.”

“Hey, I don’t think you can say that yet, you’re not actually missing me right now. And you shouldn’t anticipate how you’d feel when you’re back home. You never know how you’ve changed through all of this. Perhaps you’ll be glad to be rid of me and your endless sexual appetite will disappear again.”

“Not likely, since you’ve woken it up so thoroughly,” Cas chuckled, feeling confident enough to straddle Dean, and loved how immediate the other man’s reaction was as he stroked over Cas’ back firmly, until his hands reached his ass and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Cas bent down, teasing his lips over Dean’s and whispered: “I can’t even imagine how I was like without you. I really _am_ changed.”

“That is the sex haze talking right now,” Dean finally felt secure in his assessment of Cas' state, his adoring gaze and his nimble fingers caressing Dean's face, contemplating which was the best spot to place a kiss and evidentially deciding that they all needed to be worshipped.

“You’re so out of it. Fuck!” Dean groaned, a little choked from how forcefully Cas was sucking at his throat with bruising, hungry presses of his lips.

“Even if I am a bit hazy right now,” Cas admitted, ready to get down to business once more, “I can still determine that I feel so different from the me that came here that I don’t think I am that lonely, frustrated person anymore.”

Both of them sighed when Cas guided them together once more, softly moving and never stopping to kiss Dean everywhere he wanted it.

“Careful, or I’m gonna need a lot of make up to cover your marks up, sweetheart.”

“So?” Cas asked, and quirked an eyebrow up. “You _like_ it.”

“Heaven help me, yeah I do,” Dean moaned when Cas sucked just underneath his ear, nibbling over the teased flesh afterwards.

“Heaven can’t help you, Dean. There is only me here.”

“I wouldn’t say stuff like that if you’d only give me a break for a second,” Dean panted, bucking up into Cas.

Cas in turn just chuckled, starting to move faster. “No. Never,” he intoned, loving Dean’s hands tightening on his ass as he held on for dear life, gasping and worrying his bottom lip as a sign of how good he felt.

“Holy hell,” Dean panted, close to coming as he saw Cas stimulate himself above him.

“Choose Dean, heaven or hell. Not both,” Cas chuckled, riding him hard now, pile-driving both of them close to the edge, but never toppling over, stopping whenever they both got close.

“But what you’re doing there is a little bit of both. I can‘t take this anymore,” Dean groaned and with a rough motion he flipped them around until Cas found himself underneath of him, being forcefully driven into which made him come surprisingly hard in another minute. He listened to Dean’s triumphant shouts where his face was pressed into his neck as he finally came as well, collapsing inelegantly right afterwards.

Cas watched Dean’s back heave as he caressed it, pressing light kisses to it and mumbling: “Note to self: Dean can’t stand being teased. Brings out his need for dominance.”

“Did I hurt you?” Dean panted, turning around to Cas, his body still shaking from his forceful orgasm.

“You didn’t,” he grinned, though it wasn’t really true. He felt himself pucker because of how hard Dean had been in his need to finish. Giving what he saw of Dean’s face, he knew Cas was being euphemistic right now. “Ok, it burns a little,” he admitted when Dean only gave him a steely stare at that. “But it’s okay, I quite like the feeling.”

“Let’s take a shower, and then I’ll find some ointment,” Dean said, a bit apologetically.

“You don’t need to do that.”

“But I want to,” Dean said, nuzzling Cas and pulling him up even though they both had to steady themselves on their walk and in the shower.

“Look at that,” Dean chuckled as he dried himself off afterwards, his hands and body still shaking a bit so that he gave the impression of being jumpier than usual when it was in fact just the aftermath of their spectacular sex earlier.

Cas smiled, feeling just the same as Dean pressed him back onto the bed, and treated his well used pucker with soothing gel next.

“Is it better?” he asked, as he worked it in, massaging and coaxing a little until Cas felt much better than before and only his exhaustion stopped him from becoming aroused again.

“Much,” he said, pulling Dean close whose body just slotted together with Cas’ perfectly as he moved up to face him, bracing most of his weight on his elbows and smiling down at him.

“Hey there, angel.”

“Hey there, Dean,” Cas answered tonelessly so Dean laughed loudly, thumping against Cas' chest with his forehead for a while, until he looked back up.

“I swear, we gotta work on your pet names, Cas.”

“Why? Don’t you like your name?”

“Yeah, I do actually,” Dean smiled with a slight frown.

“Then I don’t see why I should call you by any other. I like your name too.”

“There is no arguing with you, is there?”

“None at all.”

“Great, means we won’t ever fight,” Dean chuckled.

“Let’s hope so. I hate fighting and only do it if I have to.”

“So, you didn’t shout at your brother when he said all that stuff about me and you?”

“No, I told him he should go before I say anything I might regret. Why? Do you fight with your brother?”

Dean coughed awkwardly and squirmed even as he rolled off and tugged Cas to his side, his fingers trailing over Cas‘ arm and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“I take that as a yes?”

“Yeah, we fight. Had a couple of thrashings over the years too.”

“Why?”

“Dad, mostly. I wanted to go looking for him whenever he vanished and Sammy held onto me so I wouldn’t just walk out the door and look for him, you know? Got into fights over that because Sam thought I was leaving too. Can’t blame the kid, it’s all he ever knew. Turns out he was the one leaving for good in the end.”

“Because you gave him the confidence to be able to start his own life. And how is it for you now that you’re not living together?”

“Relaxed, actually,” Dean admitted. “And lonely. I visit him of course, and he drops by every couple a‘ months, but it‘s not the same. I‘m just a family person, and I need people around me,” he admitted to what he had already mentioned before.

“Can I be your family then?” Cas asked, his heart pounding in his chest, and waiting with bated breath for Dean to speak again.

“You wanna be?” Dean asked, and Cas noticed that he was nervous, in the way his smile was shorter than usual, and his fingers flitted over his arm before he found his rhythm of sure strokes again.

“Yes,” Cas said steadfastly.

“Awesome,” Dean said simply, his perfect smile back in place until Cas lent over and replaced it with kisses.

 

They went out again in the evening, and admired how yesterday’s rain had changed the plains. Where there had been nothing but dried grass and thickets earlier, there were all colours one could possibly think of combined in fresh looking vegetation which hardly seemed possible, given the state of things throughout most of the year.

“Pure creation,” Cas marvelled.

“But keep a look out for snakes this time, will ya?” Dean said, and unexpectedly poked Cas in his ribs, making him flinch away from the cactus blossom he was just admiring.

“Ticklish?” Dean pondered, tickling Cas where his hands rested and got a deep chuckle in reply, followed by a groused answer.

“I am certainly not ticklish,” Cas bit out, trying valiantly to hold still, but when Dean tickled him more, he broke out in laughter once again.

“You _are_ ticklish though. Admit it,” Dean tickled him harder, but Cas held onto his hands to stop him.

“No,” he rasped, and Dean moved closer, kissing him suddenly, so Cas let go of his hands, holding his face and licking into Dean’s mouth with relish, but just when he was really deeply into it, he felt that obnoxious tickling again, softer this time, but unmistakably there.

“You _are_ ,” Dean whispered in singsong, pressing a kiss to Cas’ nose before tickling him hard again.

“Ok, fine. Yes,” Cas rolled his eyes, and stopped Dean’s hands once more. “But coercing me into admitting that by kissing is not fair.”

“All is fair in love and war, baby,” Dean rasped seductively.

“How is annoying me either one of those?”

“Because I say so.”

“Your comebacks leave much to be desired, Dean.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “What I lack in verbal finesse, I make up with looks and personality,” he said confidently.

“You’re not fooling me, Dean,” Cas said, seeing through Dean’s almost overconfident act in a mere second.

“So you don’t desire me?” Dean rasped again, and Cas groaned, seeing that he had lost.

“I do, but-”

“Ha ha!” Dean said triumphantly.

“You’re… you’re,” Cas fumed about not being allowed to finish, while Dean just smacked his lips and continued to grin so he added frustratedly: “Ah, just be quiet.”

“Make me,” Dean teased his head close to Cas, both their breaths hitching.

“I like you, but you can really bring me up the wall,” Cas said honestly, holding onto Dean‘s face to keep him from kissing him again until they finished their talk.

“Noted, sweetheart. I’ll be better, ok?”

“No, please don’t. Just stay like you are. I’ll accept to be tickled and annoyed once in a while. If you make it up to me with sexual favours.”

“Deal,” Dean grinned. “Keeps it interesting, right?”

“Sure. So, in life you’re a tease, and in bed you can’t stand it and need instant gratification?”

“I like doing the teasing in bed, yeah. That ok for you?”

“More than ok.”

“So, do you wanna go back to the cabin and see if we click _that_ way before we head back to Vegas?”

“Absolutely,” Cas nodded, and they walked once more through the blooming desert and back to the cabin.


	12. Chapter 12

Later that day, they were on their way back and Cas somehow didn’t mind the rumbling way of the dirt track while reminiscing about what had happened when he and Dean had gotten back to the cabin.

Turns out he really enjoyed to be teased and had let loose like never before. Cas remembered pushing back onto Dean, his mind lust-crazed and feeling even more intimate than before because Dean had seen how single-mindedly horny he could really become.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, sweetheart?” Dean asked him, casting a quick glance at Cas’ contemplative face.

“Just about before,” Cas answered, still seeing Dean tall behind him on the bed and himself bent on hands and knees as he nearly sobbed when he was finally coming.

“Good, wa’ it?” Dean drawled smugly. 

“Yes. Although I might have come across as a little slutty.”

“Ahh, not nearly slutty enough, Cas. I have the feeling that that just lurked inside you and you never let it out before.”

“So you’re not thinking of me differently?” Cas asked, his own desperate shouts for Dean to go faster, take him harder, still echoing in his head. 

“I’m thinking that you trust me when you’re vulnerable and needy, and that’s a great feeling. Makes me a little bit more in love with you actually.”

“You’re in love with me?” Cas went bog-eyed.

“Yeah?” Dean asked rhetorically. “And you are too.”

He waited for confirmation, before he went on with a grin.

“I mean it’s only been a couple of days, but we pretty much had those all to ourselves, so we already know each other better than people who just went on three dates or so. We are in love and we ought to be able to say it without it being weird.”

“But perhaps it would have been kinder of you not to make us both say it since I have to leave tomorrow. It makes it infinitely harder to go,” Cas asked, a bit miffed about having the admission of feelings coaxed out of him, but he just had to reply in the affirmative after Dean’s revelation.

“But who would’ve had anything from it, if we hadn’t said it just now? You would’ve felt it burning inside you and regretted not telling me before you left. And I didn’t want to hear it over the phone first.”

“Can you stop making sense when I’m angry with you?” Cas huffed, not really angry anyway, but not wanting to let Dean off the hook easily. 

He saw that Dean was right. Just imagining seeing him in the rear-view mirror while Gabriel was driving him away without having told him that he was in love with him made his stomach turn and his heart clench. Now that he knew he wouldn’t feel like that tomorrow, he felt relief at both of them knowing where they stood now. So no, he wasn’t angry with Dean, but in fact flattered that both their feelings were so obvious and so strong already, and that he had heard it from Dean before going back to work.

“I wish you could come with me,” he moaned, trying hard not to let his head hang and frown, but Dean must have noticed something because he rubbed his forearm softly as they could already see the first outskirts of the city.

“I wish that too. But it’s better if we go back to our daily lives for a while, get the everyday routine back and see how we feel then. That’s when we’ll know if this is changing us permanently.”

“What, if I mess up during a surgery because I thought of you, I’ll know I’m changed?”

“I hope you won’t,” Dean chuckled. “Your patients are kids, Cas. Can’t think of my sweet ass while you operate and slack off with that. No, I meant, when the routine’s got you back, you’ll see if you miss having me around somewhere in there as well. And not just our hot week in Vegas.”

“You’re making sense again,” Cas huffed as Dean pulled up in front of his apartment. “And you know I checked out of the hotel before we left, right? So I will have no choice but to stay with you tonight.”

Dean cast a glance at him, his expression sad. “Would that I could stay. I have to work, because someone made me miss half a shift before this little trip and I need the money to save up to visit said someone really damn soon.”

“So you won’t hold me tonight?” Cas asked, already feeling withdrawal symptoms just thinking about not going to bed with Dean.

Dean shook his head. “We can have breakfast together though, and then go back and make up for the lack of sex you’ll be gettin’ tonight.”

“It’s not just that that’s bothering me,” Cas said moodily, but he didn’t have to go on because Dean already seemed to know that he’d be sorely missed.

 

They got up to the small apartment and Cas thought he minded it much less now. He still saw the stains and heard the pipes gurgling, but the effect of all this was softened by Dean’s presence as he unpacked his duffle containing dirty clothes. Cas knew he had it bad when he compared to how stifling it had been to be here before, and now that he and Dean had been having more than enough sex and he knew him and his body infinitely more than when he had first come here, it all seemed different, warmer and homier somehow.

Cas was startled out of his musings once more when Dean opened his closet again and he saw a brightly coloured whiff of lots of different costumes, disappointed for the first time when he saw Dean come out with a blue jeans and a black t shirt.

“What?” Dean asked when he shed his earlier shirt and saw Cas’ face.

“I wanna see you in more of those,” he let his head dart to the closet door. “I feel cheated that the cowboy boots and shorts are all I saw until now.”

“You just want a peek inside my wardrobe, don’t you?” Dean chuckled and opened the doors wide so Cas could see everything.

He came over, seeing a glittering vest and shorts outfit with a hat to match.

“I can’t imagine that you ever wore this,” he said, pulling it out and holding it to Dean’s still bare chest.

“I did though.”

“Well, then I want you to put it on now,” Cas grinned and took a seat on the bed as Dean pulled the glittering red, pink and yellow garments on.

“Want me to dance for you too?” he asked as he came over.

“Obviously,” Cas rolled his eyes and then Dean began to swirl his hips into Cas’ face, his thighs straining against the tight shorts, going so low that it looked like the clothes were about to burst, but even as Dean seductively threw away his hat, Cas saw something in his face that made him get up and interrupt him by throwing his arms around him.

“You’re not happy,” he stated, his hand cupping the back of Dean’s neck, his other laced around the small of his back.

“I don’t know what you’re-”

“Don’t lie, Dean. I saw it in your face. You don’t like doing this.”

The only reply was Dean’s arms tightening around him, and a barely there nod where Dean had burrowed his head into his shoulder.

“It’s like I’m a dress up doll sometimes, and like you said, you can’t imagine me ever wanting to wear something like this. But I do it anyway.”

“You looked sad,” Cas entreated. “No one who doesn’t know you would notice but behind the smirk and the gasped breaths, there was sadness,” he moved so he could stare into Dean’s eyes. “It’s not there anymore,” he found with great pleasure.

“How can it be with you all up in my personal space?” Dean chuckled, and it seemed genuine now.

“Why do you do something that you’re not happy about?” Cas asked, not heading Dean’s eager hands wanting to sneak under his shirt.

Dean stopped stroking and let go, taking the glittery clothes off as he went. “It’s not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me,” Cas said as he sat back down, admiring Dean’s naked body as he put the ridiculous outfit back to the others just like it.

“I don’t think I can. Would you understand when I told you that one month, you’re almost starving and then the next your little brother needs a new book for school and you have no way to get him that unless you take your clothes off in front of others? Would you ever understand how a person could do that? How desperate you gotta be?”

“No, I don’t think I would be able to relate. But it could help you if you told me about it,” Cas shrugged, opening his arms, testing how insistent he could be as he didn‘t let them sink down the way Dean sometimes did it.

Dean didn’t need much invitation or coaxing to let himself be hugged again. He didn’t even bother putting clothes on as he came back to him. Cas stroked Dean’s naked and warm skin soothingly even as he was pressed into the mattress with Dean’s weight as he straddled him.

“I bared myself to you today,” Cas whispered, thinking again about their last time in the cabin. “Now you bare yourself to me.”

“Seems only fair, right?” Dean nuzzled him and began talking about how he had started out, about old ladies booking him three times a night and how he’d get nightmares from their bony, greedy fingers reaching out to grab him.

He talked about being booked for bachelor’s nights and having grooms cry in his arms about not wanting to marry a girl, but wanting a guy like Dean by their side and he had to stay there because he was paid to do it, but didn’t wanna listen to another failed marriage in the making from closeted douchebags who were desperate to feel what it was like with a man like him. He had to shove some of them off by the end of the night, because he didn’t feel any attraction towards them and only wanted them to go away, resulting in insults thrown his way about leading them on and letting them believe he cared for them, when he was just doing his job and wanting his pay. 

He talked about even more sleazy guys that had tried to bent him over right in the club, sticking their dirty fingers anywhere before he could react or manage to kick them or the bouncer was called to get them off him. He also talked about guys holding his face while already fumbling around with their belts and dragging him close to their dicks, leaving hard red lines of fingerprints on his neck before he could get off.

And he talked about how it was worth it, when he saw Sam’s face as he finally got him that new book, or a used car, or told him he could go to any college he wanted, only to be left with all the hard earned money and without a brother, doing the very same thing he hated and which could escalate so easily for no reason other than his fear of falling apart if he didn‘t work anymore.

“Dean?” Cas asked, when Dean had finished his tale and just shivered above him.

“Yeah?” he gave back, his teeth clattering so Cas now draped a blanket over their bodies and rubbed his back through it.

“You said you’d visit me in a month, right?” 

“Yeah, for a couple of days.”

“How long do you have to give notice before you can quit?”

“6 weeks,” Dean answered, wondering about the seemingly unrelated questions.

“Great,” Cas said, his expression dark. “That gives you enough time to earn the money for movers, to sell the costumes you hate and haul your ass over to my place.”

“But-”

“No objection. If you are not living with me two weeks after your visit, I will personally drag your ass out of here and tie you to my bed if that stops you from leaving. Got it?” Cas said, trying hard to copy the way Dean always talked and happy with his success because something in his voice must have told Dean that he was dead serious about this. “I don’t care that 6 weeks is bordering on doing this too soon, but I won’t stand for you doing this shit for any longer than you have to.”

“But Sam,” Dean pressed out even while Cas started kissing his objections away. “College… too soon… don’t wanna lose you… Cas!”

“Yeah?” Cas panted, Dean’s body now hot and perfect above him, their kisses desperate and horny.

“This is too soon,” Dean panted heavily, angrily getting Cas’ clothes off underneath the blanket.

“It is,” Cas agreed, moaning as Dean freed his cock and they rocked together passionately. “But I’d rather have you near me sooner than having you being unhappy here. Ah, fuck,” he groaned, Dean humping him hard now but he had to keep his wits long enough to get this out. He held Dean’s head with both his hands to focus on anything but their cocks rubbing together.

“You told me we have to get back to a routine. But your routine isn’t something you even like… mhhmm, ah! So… shit,” he moaned, Dean closing his lips with his own as he got overwhelmed by his need and just came, moaning Dean’s name into his mouth.

Dean grunted happily, kneading Cas’ thigh and nibbling along his jaw until he came too, his whole frame heaving in exhaustion as he stopped moving.

Cas held him, trying to remember what he wanted to tell him until something clicked back into place inside of his head.

“You’ll be even more unhappy now, with missing me and disliking your job, and I can’t let you suffer. I want to have you with me as soon as we can manage it,” he got out. “Be selfish for once. And consider that you’re not doing this just for yourself, but for me as well.”

“Okay,” was the puffed out answer from somewhere on his chest.

“Okay, what?” 

“Okay, I’ll move in with you asap,” Dean clarified.

“Good,” Cas beamed to the disgusting ceiling stains and closed his eyes exhaustedly but happy for a couple of minutes.

 

When they woke up again, it was high-time for Dean to get to work, and Cas kept close to him even as he packed some costumes and typed out a quick notice to give to his boss about quitting soon, so that he knew he wasn’t alone while he did it.

They walked back to the hotel hand in hand and Dean gave him a kiss that should never have ended as he brought him to the club once more.

“Don’t come in,” Dean entreated again. “Find your brother and talk some, or do something else. Enjoy yourself a little.”

“I promise,” Cas nodded and walked off before the door behind Dean fell shut.

 

Cas walked around the casino after that, but these few days had shown him that it was really not his scene. He found an unusually subdued Gabriel by the blackjack table soon.

“Are you winning?” Cas asked him, trying to decipher what he was doing there, but giving up immediately because he really didn‘t care about it.

“Castiel!” Gabriel smiled, perhaps a little less broad than usual, but happy to see him nonetheless. “How was the rest of your vacation?”

“Perfect,” Cas said simply, a warm smile on his face.

“Ok, please don’t give me the gory details,” Gabe laughed, almost his old self again, even as Cas gave him a few details about the desert and the quietness of being alone with Dean.

“Great. I think you are really well rested now. Up for the big exams?” Gabe stayed friendly, not forgetting how they had parted beforehand.

“Yes, absolutely. Dean is gonna come over just before my exams. And depending on where I get a job afterwards, we‘ll move.”

“We? As in you and him?”

“Yes, Dean is coming to live with me in 6 weeks,” Cas told him, beaming with happiness, but Gabriel just frowned.

“You just decided that?”

“Yes, because I want to have him close to me and he hates his job.”

“He hates his job,” Gabriel said tonelessly. “And he just told you that, right?”

“No, he didn’t. I saw it.”

“What do you mean you saw it?” Gabriel questioned on, and Cas now felt as if he was interrogated.

“Well, you can’t really see it because he hides it very well. But he’s really not happy. He wants to study psychology and quit here.”

Gabriel said nothing for a while, just looked at Cas as if he had lost it.

“He’s playing you for a fool,” he finally said with absolute certainty. “Whatever he’s told you, it’s not true. He conveniently came up with a plan for what he wants to do with his life if he’d only get out of his shit of a job he’s got? I bet he made up some huge sob of a backstory too to make you fall for him. Assured you of his undying love too, am I right?”

“I…,” Cas hesitated for a bit to counter Gabriel’s mean attack, but his brother already dragged him off, Cas so confused that he didn’t stop his smaller brother for a minute until they were in front of the club again and Gabriel actually dragged him in.

“No, wait. Dean said not to go in there. He doesn’t want me to see him like that.”

“Right, because he doesn’t want you to see that he’s been lying about hating his job,” Gabriel felt vindicated as he dragged Cas along.

“No, because he thought it will hurt me,” Cas answered in a small voice, his head a mess of what his brother said and catching an eyeful of Dean, naked as the day he was born, laughing loudly as someone stroked along his thigh before he swatted his finger at the guy and shoved him off.

Cas felt like he was burning as he saw someone else touch his Dean. His eyes made a beeline for Dean’s bare cock resting snugly between his legs, which had given him so much pleasure during the last days. Immediately he felt like he was objectifying him, but he couldn’t stop looking at the way his body moved effortlessly, but even as he swayed, he saw the greedy expressions of the people surrounding him, someone was actually discreetly jerking off while staring up at Dean.

Cas’ breaths got more and more painful as he watched Dean climb off and grab his clothes, to go and choose another outfit to come out again. Cas felt the need to establish dominance while everyone stared at Dean’s ass, someone even slapping him as he went. He wanted to swipe Dean off his feet, lay him on the bar and ride his cock for everyone to see that he was the only one getting him. 

He even started to move forward, whether to carry out his vicious thought or just obscure Dean’s body from the lusting gaze of the masses with his own, but stopped when Dean turned to the guy who had slapped him.

His expression was angry, but underneath it was the same sort of hurt that he had involuntarily shown Cas before, so he stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn’t let Dean know that he was here, couldn’t see him even more hurt by seeing Cas’ own pain.

He abruptly turned around, almost running out, hoping that Dean hadn’t seen him.

Gabriel followed him and seemed smug, but also apologetic.

“Sorry to put you through this, bro. But you had to see that I was right about this.”

Cas didn’t know where it came from, but suddenly he had punched his brother in the face so that he tumbled back and sat on his ass right in the middle of the hallway to the elevators.

“You know shit!” he yelled at his flabbergasted brother on the floor. “You don’t know him like I do and your stupid theory isn’t valid because I saw the same hurt in his eyes again, without him putting on an act for me, as you call it. I have no idea what you’re talking about and I forbid you from ever speaking about him like that again. In fact, I forbid you to ever tell him that I saw him like that.”

“Why?” Gabriel got back on his feet, wiping his bleeding nose.

“Because he doesn’t want me to. And because he was right about me getting unnecessarily hurt because of this. I don’t need to hurt him more, knowing it happened because I couldn’t stand up to my idiot big brother. But that stops now,” Cas came closer, dwarfing Gabriel with his height even as he stood again. “You will keep your opinions to yourself unless I ask for them and you don’t come near me or Dean unless I allow it. You got that?”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Gabriel muttered.

“Then stop doing it!” Cas got loud once more. “Because you’re the only one who has been doing that. Even if you think I‘m making a mistake here, you keep your mouth shut, because maybe it could occur to you that you‘re wrong and Dean and I are meant to be. I‘m taking a plane tomorrow, I can‘t stand you right now,” he said as an abrupt parting word, before he turned and left the hotel, let himself back into Dean‘s apartment and willed himself to sleep for the night, not thinking anything.

 

In the early morning, he heard the apartment door open, still almost asleep, as a weight shifted the mattress next to him and Dean laid down, trying valiantly not to let the bed creak.

“Morning,” Cas hummed, turning around and embracing Dean immediately.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” Dean whispered, giving him a very chaste kiss as he slipped underneath the covers.

“No,” he hummed more, and went back to sleep again with Dean finally beside him, so sleepy that he didn‘t even remember Gabriel‘s words at the moment.


	13. Chapter 13

“Do you really have to go?” Dean asked, clasping Cas tight as they waited for his flight to appear on the board and he could go through the security check and customs.

“I’m afraid so,” Cas sighed, brushing over Dean’s ribs lightly even as a faint dinging sound told them that boarding would start soon.

“But what if you have an accident? You’d better stay here.”

Cas wanted to laugh, but when he saw Dean’s expression, he checked the smile on his face. There was real actual concern there.

“What are you afraid is gonna happen?”

“I don’t know. The plane has an engine failure and you die in a fire after it crashes?”

“Unlikely. If it crashes, I’d be already dead in all probability when the wreck starts catching fire.”

“Not funny,” Dean said tonelessly and if Cas hadn’t stroked over the other man’s stomach, he’d had missed the shiver running through him. But as he _did_ catch it, he pressed himself against Dean, kissing his nose, and holding onto his face with both hands, assuring him that he was gonna be ok, and he’d call as soon as he landed.

“You’d better,” Dean whispered almost inaudibly, and then clapped Cas’ ass twice as if to ruin the mood for both of them. “Tell the pilot if he can’t handle his stupid tin pot, I’ll come after him myself.”

“I doubt that-”

“Please, Cas. Indulge me,” Dean interrupted him, not wanting to hear that if the pilot couldn’t handle the aircraft anymore, it would be another situation in which nobody would survive and there was no necessity to murder the pilot because the crash would have taken care of that.

But obviously Dean didn’t need any reality checks right now, so Cas softly bit into his bottom lip, opened his eyes full wide so that Dean could see how dilated they were as he deliberately rubbed their crotches together once and whispered seductively in his best Dean voice: “You may kill the bastard if he doesn’t take good care of my precious ass.”

“That sounded kinda wrong,” Dean grinned, but Cas knew he had him, when Dean stuck his hands in the backpockets of his trousers and squeezed his ass fondly. “That’s mine and the pilot has to keep it safe for me. If he taps it, I’ll still kill him.”

“Noted,” Cas grinned, loving how possessive Dean was of him. But he reminded himself that it was not only possessive behaviour that had him held by the ass in a public place, but that Dean was also protective of him and cared about him.

“Just be safe,” Dean added before he let go and they walked to the security check hand in hand.

“Bye,” Cas said, wanting to give him a quick peck before leaving, but Dean didn’t let go until their kiss was drawn out and definitely not age appropriate for the several families that passed them.

“Now you can go,” Dean grinned when Cas was woozy and painfully hard.

He turned around without another word and put his flight bag on the conveyor belt, while he himself went through the security gate that thankfully told him that he didn’t have any metal in his pockets and thankfully nobody had to check him more thoroughly. Cas didn't want to think what the personnel would have made of his raging boner.

By the time he got his possession back, he was sure Dean had already left, but he could still see him standing there, his hands crossed over his chest.

It looked abrasive if you didn’t know him, but Cas knew better. Dean’s hands were wrapped around his torso underneath his strong arm muscles that hid that little fact away and Cas saw a pained smile flit over Dean’s features that told him that he indeed _hugged_ himself and was missing him already.

Cas smiled at him one more time, imagining Dean driving home with his eyes stinging and anxiety in his stomach, counting the minutes and waiting for Cas to let him know he was alright.

This simultaneously heartwarming and heartbreaking image carried Cas through the duty free area and boarding of the plane.

When he was on board, he sat next to a mother and her little girl, who smiled at him widely, several of her front teeth missing.

“I saw you in the airport,” she lisped. “Is that man you were kissing your prince?”

“Molly! You can’t ask people stuff like that,” her mother chastised her immediately, but Cas smiled gently and told her it was ok.

“Yes, he’s my prince,” he answered the girl who wanted to know more immediately, all the way through take-off, Cas had to tell her everything about how he and Dean had met and why he was so sure he was his prince.

By the end of his tale, little Molly frowned at him. “He sounds like Hans,” she said.

Cas wrecked his brain as to what the girl meant, but luckily the latest Disney movie hadn’t passed him by and he quickly caught on.

“What makes you think so?” he asked, taking the girl seriously because he knew that she must have a reason for what she said.

“He’s too perfect. And you don’t really know him. Some princes are mean,” she said, her little face serious and scrunched in concentration.

“But not all of them. Cinderella’s prince was nice, wasn’t he? And Snow White’s.”

“But those were fairy tales, not real life," the girl said as if it was obvious and any modern princess should stop and think before falling for someone she'd not know. Molly seemed to get tired the longer their journey went on and ended their little talk with: "Perhaps he’s not a prince, there aren’t many of those. He can be your Kristoff,” the little girl yawned and cuddled up next to her mother.

Cas considered Molly’s opinion as the flight went on and he felt himself get drousy. First of all he was glad that children these days learned to look beyond a love story that was unrealistic from the get go. Neither Snow White nor Cinderella had actually known her prince for very long before they had their ‘happily ever after‘.

Cas frowned when he imagined Snow White 20 years into her marriage, covered in wrinkles and her prince on the sofa with a beer in his hands, scratching his balls and watching the game.

And then he wondered if he’d even mind if _his_ prince would turn into a fat-bellied, lazy middle-aged man. He pictured Dean lying on his couch, never having accomplished anything after he came to live with him and just lying motionless whenever he didn’t scratch himself.

The image that should be disgusting to him was turned around when he imagined himself cuddling up next to his pudgy husband and bathing in his warmth, seeing more crinkles around Dean’s eyes as he looked down at him, kissing him before telling him to move so they could both see the TV screen.

When he found himself smile about even this worst case scenario, Cas knew he wouldn’t even mind if it happened that way. But he very much doubted that it would because Dean wasn't the lay down and do nothing type.

He closed his eyes and conjured up a new image. He was coming home a few years from now, perhaps a bit more wrinkly than before, and his ass not as perky as it was right now, but nearly unchanged in being and feeling.

He would smell something delicious fry while Dean’s voice swept in through the kitchen, followed by quick small footsteps.

“Tell your dad to get his ass into the kitchen, otherwise he‘ll get his dinner cold,” he imagined Dean's voice, a little grumpier than now, but unmistakable.

A girl and a boy would bolt out of the kitchen, each take one hand of Cas and drag him off while at the same time telling him about their school days and then yelling at each other to wait because their own story was more important, while Cas would catch sight of Dean at the stove, wearing an apron and looking perfect as ever.

“Hey baby,” he’d say and give Cas a kiss.

The kids would pretend to vomit and run off to play while Cas sat down, Dean handing him a plate with a smile and sit down to work on his patient files while Cas ate his dinner.

Cas must have fallen asleep over his musings, because when he came to, an announcement from the flight deck was throwing him out of his increasingly raunchy dream. He was disoriented, wanted to get back into his conjured up world, still seeing himself clutching the bed sheet while Dean took him doggy style, but he knew it was all ruined when the plane started to sink and he had to yawn several times to make up for the dropping pressure, something in his ears plopping from time to time as the ground came closer.

 

“You’re ok? Not dead?”

“I am fine, Dean,” Cas answered, his messenger bag dangling obnoxiously, but he couldn’t adjust it because he was holding his phone to his ear and dragged his suitcase with the other. He absolutely wasn’t comfortable walking as he got out of the airport and into a taxi, but the fact that he was talking to Dean made up for the discomfort of calling him when he would have needed both his hands for something else.

“You’re not just saying that, right? You’re not lying in a ditch somewhere, the plane parked on a bit of grass and and you don't have the pilot trailing after you with a hard on?”

Cas couldn’t help it. He laughed about what Dean had come up with and very much wanted to tell him about how he had slept on the plane and about what he had dreamt, but he couldn’t if he didn’t want to have phone sex in front of the driver.

“No, the _pilot_ didn’t have one,” he intoned and Dean caught up to what he implied immediately.

“But you have one? Did you think of me?”

“The entire time,” Cas confirmed. “I’ll text you?”

“Do,” Dean said simply and the call dropped out.

With a grin and his cheeks reddening more and more, Cas typed out what his dream had been about until he looked up to see why the taxi didn’t move anymore when he saw that he was outside his building.

He pressed a few bills into the drivers hand as he helped him with his luggage and dialled Dean as soon as he was through the apartment door.

“Oh baby,” he heard a raspy voice in his ear. “That was one hell of a dream you had.”

“It was,” Cas answered, stepping over his luggage and sitting down on the couch, trying to get his zipper down with one hand, because he needed… no, _craved_ release.

Dean breathed heavily on the other end of the line as Cas licked over his palm and roughly jerked off, his cockhead weeping.

“Was it sexy to you?” he asked, his hand faster and his orgasm imminent.

“I don’t think I’ve ever found anything hotter,” Dean moaned in his ear and that was all Cas needed.

His hips spasmed up, his cock twitched and streaks of white flew out as he fucked his fist through his orgasm.

“Dean? Did you come too?” he asked as soon as he came down from his high.

“Yeah, while you were texting. So hot, baby. Let‘s do this more often.”

“Yes,” Cas sighed, stretching a bit on the couch and grinning as they said goodbye.

He still smiled contently as he let his phone sink down but when he looked around, he took in his slightly shabby apartment that was still dark, the only signs of habitation his suitcase and he himself, limp cock out of his pants and all alone.

“I look like a molester,” he told the empty room and tugged himself in quickly before he got up and threw all the clothes he could wash into his washing machine, hung all the things he couldn’t, and decided he needed to take them to dry cleaning soon, alongside with the suit he would wear for his final exam. He checked his whole apartment for rubbish, but because he had taken it all out before he left, that didn’t occupy him for very long either and he just took to walking from place to place, checking for imaginary things to do.

When he stopped pretending to be busy, he sat down on his bed, and pretty soon _laid_ down when there was nothing to be heard but a slight whiff of air through the window that he hoped would still hold for a little while and not kill him in his sleep because it fell onto him while he slept. He imagined how pissed Dean would be after having Cas home in one piece, only to be gutted by the stupidest accident.

Cas sighed again, his face involuntarily turning to the left side of the bed, but there was nobody. Dean’s smile didn’t greet him there and when he stretched out his arm, the linen under his fingers was cold and the air that came in through the crack between window and frame howled melancholic as if to emphasise how hollow everything felt here.  


	14. Chapter 14

The first day back at work was falling back into a routine that was familiar, but somehow didn’t fit Cas anymore. He saw himself fill out patients’ charts, order surgeries or diagnostic procedures, doing everything with ease but somehow he wasn’t the same. He was still good at his job, his little patients still loved him, but he was much more conscious that there was life going on outside of the hospital. That Dean was out there, and waiting to hear from him at least once a day if he could manage.

His lunch break wasn’t filled with reading medical journals like it was most of the time, it was filled with telling his fellow residents about his vacation in Vegas and how it had been a game changer in his life.

He was sitting with the same four people with whom he had been friends ever since they had started working here. Almost five years now it was that he had met Hannah, Balthazar, Uriel and Anna. They had bonded over how much they all loathed the physician who had been their first teacher. They all called him Chuckles, even though Zachariah had never once smiled in the whole year of their internship and they had hated him almost as fiercely as he hated them. They had been happy to get away from him whenever they could, even if it meant doing the lowest of the low deeds in the hospital and not even seeing the inside of an operating room the whole day.

When their residency began, Balthazar told them that he had chosen neurosurgery and Uriel orthopedics, which would mean that both of them would not continue with Cas, Anna and Hannah in the general surgery residency. The three of them stayed in the same programme at least until Anna specified on gynaecology, Hannah was training to be a general surgeon and Cas decided that he was still general, but for the smaller patients. He had training sessions with both Hannah and Anna because their subjects overlapped at points, but mostly they just met during lunch, or when they all finished working at the nearest bar or coffee shop which was basically just an outpost of the hospital because the entire staff and patient’s relatives also frequented these establishments.

 

“You seem changed, Castiel,” Hannah said as soon as they sat down. Cas wasn’t aware that he had changed so much that someone would know it without him having said anything yet, but it seemed like he was more closely observed than he thought.

“Somehow the weight you usually seem to carry has lifted,” Anna went on.

“There wouldn’t be any particular reason for this change of hearts, would there be?” Balthazar asked. He was rather a vulgar man, and from what Cas gathered, pansexual or just not caring about gender and not opposed to having sex with several individuals at once. So he wasn’t surprised that it was Balthazar who asked further: “Did you finally get a great shag and had that stick pulled out of your butt, Cassie?”

“As a matter of fact I did, and I am sure my boyfriend can confirm that there has never been a stick up my posterior. Also, I would prefer if you would not call me Cassie. I am not female, but it makes it sound like I am one,” Cas answered without batting an eye.

Balthazar blinked a couple of times, not expecting Cas to stay so cool, or even answer him properly for that matter.

“So it’s true. Little Cassie… Castiel is finally not a fledgling anymore.”

“Fledgling?” Cas asked without understanding what Balthazar meant, or maybe he didn’t even wanna know.

“You know, all grown up. Doing grown up deeds and…,” Balthazar let his voice trail off seductively, and Cas felt distinctly sick to his stomach at the implications.

“Indeed,” he nodded stiffly, continuing to eat without paying more attention to Balthazar which was a method that had proven itself useful in dealing with him over the years, but by the looks of his continued saucy grin, this new development in Cas’ life would not be forgotten by his friend so very soon.

“So tell us about your relationship,” Anna said, getting Cas’ attention and distracting him from his gloomy thoughts about being relentlessly teased by Balthazar in the future.

Right now he was more concerned with what he should tell Anna. He had thought about it last night as well when he hadn’t been able to fall asleep, but he hadn’t come up with anything useful to say. He didn’t want to lie, or obscure the truth about what Dean did for a living.

“I met him in Vegas.”

“Yes, that was obvious,” Balthazar didn’t seem to want to shut up about this any time soon.

“He works in a casino.”

“What as someone who cheats the money out of honestly working people’s pants?”

“He’s not doing that!” Cas glared at Balthazar, but he wasn’t only angry with his colleague, but with himself too. It was harder than he thought to just tell people. So he took a deep breath and said quickly as if he ripped off a band aid: “He’s a stripper.”

Anna and Hannah looked taken aback to say the least, Uriel didn’t really react at first, only when Balthazar broke out in amused giggles, did Uriel laugh with him.

“What? What?” Cas asked around. “What’s so funny?”

He had to wait a couple of minutes until everyone had composed themselves again and Balthazar finally uttered intelligible sounds: “Don’t you think you’re a little outside your pay grade, Cassie?”

“What?” Cas asked, dumbfounded.

“I mean he’s gorgeous. Isn’t he gorgeous?”

“Yes, he is,” Cas answered, a slight smile on his face when he saw Dean’s laughing face appear before his inner eye.

“ In the ‘a European princess comes to Vegas he could have her in a second’ gorgeous way?”

“Oh yeah,” Cas answered in the affirmative.

“So what’s he doing with a geeky, not so hot looking, not yet fully trained child surgeon who is socially impaired?”

Cas blinked again, a muscle in his jaw twitching. He was stunned and didn’t know what to do. Rise from the table and storm out of the cafeteria or punch Balthazar in the face. As the seconds passed by, he knew he wouldn’t do either, his rate of punching people too high for his liking already and because Balthazar had only said what Cas secretly thought himself. Finally there was someone who didn’t think that he was too good for Dean, but who saw things for what they were. That it was Dean who was too good for Cas.

“Cassie?” he heard an admittedly rueful sounding Balthazar say.

He looked up, knowing that his face was as lifeless as marble and was happy to see his supervising physician come in to tell them that they had an emergency operation now. Uriel would also be needed because a child had suffered an open fracture and he had to come and set the bones.

Cas got up without another word and Uriel followed him equally quietly, not even casting Balthazar another glance.

Uriel only spoke again when they were washing and dressing.

“Castiel, you know why Balthazar said the things he said?”

“No, I don’t presume to know.”

“Because he’s in love with you, and he’s waited for you for almost five years to come around.”

Cas nodded. He had known that for a long time, but he had never given any credit to Balthazar’s feelings which bubbled up sometimes when he was drunk and assured Cas of his eternal love for him only to deny all knowledge in the morning.

Cas had long ago decided that he wasn’t going to address the subject or give into it. He knew what would happen. Balthazar would be charming for a few months, maybe they would even move in together, and then one night Cas would come home, and see him pound one or more people into their mattress and Cas’ heart would be broken.

Granted, he had taken Balthazar to Hannah’s wedding and to the baptism of Anna’s first born, but Cas had made it clear that they went as friends, nothing more.

Balthazar seemingly hadn’t gotten the message, and had tried at both occasions to kiss Cas, and additionally on the second to give him a blowjob.

Cas had thought about just letting him suck him off for a few seconds. He was slightly tipsy and it had been a very long time that someone other than himself had gotten him off. There could be no harm in it, could it? he asked himself in his swirling mind as Balthazar fumbled around with his zipper. But he had stopped him at the last second, thinking that it wasn’t fair to let him do something that would mean so much to Balthazar, and nothing to Cas.

And now after the things Balthazar said to him over lunch he was glad he had stayed strong in that moment.

 

He worked for the rest of the day, too busy to think about the things that had been said about him. He thought about Dean for a few seconds inbetween operations and the evening ward round and was happy to call Dean as soon as he got home from buying groceries.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Dean used words that unbeknownst to him had been used to describe him not 8 hours earlier.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas sighed about the whole thing that Dean didn’t know about and he had no intention of ever telling him, but Dean picked up on his mood immediately.

“Long day?”

“The longest,” Cas answered as he walked around and stashed his purchases in his cabinets and the fridge, still not wanting to tell Dean about what had been going on, so he didn‘t talk more, hoping to keep silent about it forever.

“I wish I was with you right now,” Dean’s longing was palpable even over the sound of crumpling paper as Cas continued to unpack his shopping.

“Me too,” Cas answered and practically fell onto the couch from exhaustion. One week without operations had already affected him so much that his muscles all cramped from being on his feet and his head hurt from being highly concentrated the entire day. He had known this was what was gonna happen, because every surgeon complained about that particular oddity of coming back from vacations. One of the reasons actually that he rarely took a day off.

“Are you tired, sweetheart?” Dean’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Yes,” he answered simply.

“Ok. You go eat something, have a shower and jerk off to me but then it’s bed time for you.”

“And who made you the boss?” Cas grumbled, but he had to admit that the plan that Dean laid out for him was a good one.

“You did, when you told me I could take care of you. I’m not there to do it in person, so I get to boss you around over the phone.”

“Fair enough,” Cas yawned. “I’ll talk to you later and tell you if I managed everything on your list.”

“Yeah, do that.”

“I love you, Dean.”

“I love you, Cas.”

Cas hung up the phone quickly, because he knew he never would if he listened to Dean’s voice for even a second longer.

He rummaged through his fridge trying to find something to cook as if he didn’t know what he had just put into it, when his phone rang again.

With a smile, he picked it up and answered it without checking the caller ID.

“I haven’t started jerking off yet, so you won’t get to listen today.”

“I hardly think that I’d ever get the privilege of that,” Balthazar’s voice answered him and Cas blushed a bit, his hand automatically covering his eyes.

“What do you want, Balthazar?”, his anger was getting the better of his embarrassment.

“I’ve been meaning to apologise, but this craniotomy took so long that you had already left the hospital by the time I got out.”

“I don’t think there is anything for you to say anymore. You made yourself abundantly clear today,” Cas said stiffly.

“I’m sorry,” Balthazar pleaded. “It’s just-”

“-because you’re in love with me and can’t stand the fact that I found someone who’s not you. Yes, I know,” Cas interrupted him, his words sounding cruel even to his own ears.

He was tired, he missed Dean and he really didn’t have the patience to spare Balthazar’s feelings right now, so he went on: “I would never have chosen you, Balth. You’re unreliable and a cheater. You may think that you love me, but you just liked the idea that I’d be there whenever you had quenched your urges. Your dependable, demure Cassie. Well, I’m not Cassie and I’m not yours. I’m Dean’s, and there is nothing demure about me at all when we have sex. I’m a damn slut for him and I love it,” Cas was on a roll now and couldn’t stop talking. “The things we’ve already done together would make you blush because fucking with intimacy isn’t something you’d ever understand, is it?”

“No, I guess it isn’t,” Balthazar said quietly.

“No,” Cas agreed. “And that’s why you’d never have been more than a random fuck for me, because you aren’t even capable of loving anyone but yourself. But hey, what do I know, I’m socially impaired, am I not?” Cas fumed, and hung up even while Balthazar started to apologise again.

“Damn,” Cas cursed, knowing that his day had ended even shittier than it had been before.

He made himself a sandwich, all energy for cooking drained after his outburst as he chewed it on the way to the shower.

When he had done that too, he just fell onto the mattress, typed a quick: ‘Too tired to jerk off, let’s postpone. I’ll even finger myself for you when I have more time’ text off to what he hoped was Dean’s number. He was so tired that his eyes kept falling shut, and only opened one eye to see a reply blinking that assured him that his text had found the right receiver before his eyes were falling shut inescapably.


	15. Chapter 15

The whole of the next week was just as bleak as the beginning of it, and it didn't look up within the following days either. As things were right now, his life as it had been just wasn't enough for him anymore. He missed Dean every day. Whenever he started thinking about him again, the ache in his chest seemed to grow worse instead of his system adjusting to it.

He wasn't yet turning around in the bed and expecting to find Dean on the other side of it when he woke up, their relationship was too fresh and they hadn't developed a routine like that. But when a shower of summer rain poured down onto Cas on his way home, he couldn't help the painful tugging at his heartstrings as he thought about the last time he had gotten wet from rain and who was not here to share the experience with him this time.

Indeed, it was all the little things he witnessed and wanted to tell Dean about in person and not over the phone. He imagined how Dean would look on his couch, how perfect he'd look naked and spread out on his sheets, how lovely it would smell if he'd cook for them, equally naked and bringing sunshine into the kitchen. Cas knew he loved to cook and he thought that every day he had to go on without all these little perks of having Dean with him was a wasted day.

Not to mention at all that he thought he was gonna chafe permanently if he'd not stop his jerk off sessions soon, but Dean, the huge tease that he was with that husky voice and that dark chuckle had brought him to bring himself off regularly while they talked.

“I've never had so much sex, and I've also never been so frustrated!”

“So, you're blaming me?”

“I do. Who told you to be so damn sexy, even from afar?”

“Nobody, I just am. How about we skype and you watch my perfection over the screen?”

“You're killing me,” Cas deadpanned. “You are literally and actively killing me.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it's a yes.”

“Great,” Dean smirked into his phone, Cas just heard it in his voice.

Their skype dates were even worse, because once the computer screen was dark again, Cas felt even more like a perv and very unsettled. If this was what a one night stand felt like, the having sex together and then ending it so abruptly, then he really didn't like it.

 

“Oh, honey. That's not a one night stand, that is a long distance relationship,” Anna commiserated with Cas over lunch the next day.

“Well then, for the record: Long distance relationships suck!” Cas frowned and poked a piece of pineapple in his fruit salad viciously.

“For how long will you have to keep doing this?”

“2 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours and approximately 15 seconds,” Cas checked the countdown on his phone. Keeping it running cost a bit of battery, but it really didn't bother him at all.

“That should be doable, shouldn't it? Are you planning on throwing a party-”

“What's this I hear about a party? Count me in, whenever it may be.”

Balthazar had come to their table, carrying a makeshift white flag which looked like he had cut it out of a discarded sheet.

“I come in peace and I miss talking to you, Castiel.”

Cas squinted his eyes at Balthazar but if he was completely honest, he had missed his friend too. Not the obnoxious flirting or the attempts to get in his pants, but he missed Balth's humour and companionship.

Cas still frowned as he pulled the chair next to him and Balthazar gave him a grateful smile as he put his tray onto the table.

“So what is this party I'm hearing of?”

“It's for Dean when he comes to live with me.”

“Right,” Balth nodded, just a tiny whiff of disappointment in his air, but Cas noticed it nonetheless.

“Yeah, I think it would be nice if Dean would meet some of the people I hang around with. And it might be a good time to get Gabriel to meet him properly too. They were off to a rough start because of Gabriel's prejudice.”

“What was that about?” Anna asked interestedly.

“He thought Dean was just using me, latching onto me to get on in life and stop taking his clothes off for money.”

There was a silence while Anna and Balthazar thought the matter over.

“I hate to play advocatus diaboli especially now that we're talking again, but is it entirely impossible that Gabriel might be right? I mean, this is exactly what is happening right now, isn't it?” Balthazar said carefully.

“I know it might look that way, but it's not like that. I can't tell you why or how, but I know that for the first time in my life, I am doing something just for me and it is entirely right.”

“Ok,” Balthazar conceded. “As long as it makes you happy.”

 

After his reconciliation with Balthazar, who wisely didn't try to apologise for any of his harsh words before, because it would look too much like he was complimenting him, Cas' chest felt lighter.

“But if he tries to get into your pants again, I'll fillet his dick with his own scalpel, you tell him that.”

Cas flinched at Dean's violent words, but he dutifully texted Balthazar what fate would await him if he ever tried anything.

“How long until you're here?” Cas asked when he put his phone back on the night stand.

“What does your countdown say?”

“2 weeks, 1 day and approximately 23 hours.”

“We can do that,” Dean assured him with a nod and a smile that made Cas happy that he was sitting down on the bed, because swaying on his feet just wasn't an option right now.

“How's the studying going?”

“I'm not neglecting it,” Cas assured him and indeed, whenever he felt particularly lonely, he had picked up his procedural training cards again and sometimes Dean had urged him to go through one or two while they talked. He didn't know what Cas was talking about, but he had studied so much already that he noticed if he made a mistake and corrected himself.

“Hey, once you got your approbation, what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean which hospitals are you looking at? Johns Hopkins?”

“How do you know they're interested in me?”

“I didn't actually, I just googled it and it was the first name that popped up.”

“Because they're the best, that makes them appear first on the list.”

“And they want you to do your fellowship there, right?”

“Not necessarily, it's not the only option I've got.”

“Who else wants you?”

“Seattle and Boston, but I'm considering Los Angeles, Stanford, or to just stay here.”

“Stanford?” Dean seemed contemplative all of a sudden and Cas knew he was thinking about his brother.

“How soon do you want to go and visit him? Or shall we invite him to your welcoming party?”

“What party?”

“Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you. It seems like you're with me because I want to tell you everything, and then when something happens, I forget to tell you because you were there in my thoughts. Anyway...” Cas stopped there because Dean's expression was a little pained now.

“You're so sweet, I can feel my teeth aching,” he rumbled and wiped over his eyes.

“Better get used to it. Now can I go on?”

“Continue,” Dean waved at him gracefully.

“You're gonna meet my friends/colleagues. Honestly, they're more like people I hang around with at work, but I am close to some of them. Do you have people you wanna invite over since it's the weekend and they may have some time off?”

“I could invite Bobby, but he's no good with crowds and it's a bit far from South Dakota. And the other people I keep in contact with are pretty spread out as well. We'll just do the introductions later when they have time, ok? But I'm looking forward to meeting your 'almost' friends.”

“How far are you with packing?”

“I sold most of the ridiculous outfits now, but I still need to decide about a few. Otherwise it's not that much to pack. Just a stack of books and my car.”

“You really don't spoil yourself, do you?” Cas observed as Dean gave a disregarding self-conscious shrug on screen, and was making a mental note that he was gonna make sure that Dean only had nice things from now on.

When he ended the call, he had a brief moment of recollecting that he was alone again, and he didn't know why, but his conviction about everything was suddenly gone and he had Balthazar’s and Gabriel's cautioning words in his mind. He was doing this too soon, and he had nothing but his own judgement to tell him if Dean was really genuine with his intentions towards him.

Cas knew he had it pathetically bad for the soon to be ex-stripper when he decided that he just didn't care what Dean's reasons were and if his trust would be misplaced in the end. He only knew that it still felt all right to him and even if he'd wake up and his bank account would be empty and his credit card stolen, at least he'd have had the time with Dean that he had.

When he had reached this point, he laughed at himself. Dean was deeply unmaterialistic, as his rented furniture and lack of any personal belongings showed. He'd never do what Cas had just imagined, and as he reached this conclusion all his previous thoughts that led him here became unravelled as well. Dean didn't have any other agenda for coming here than to spend time with him and to figure out if what had started as a supposed shotgun wedding in Vegas which turned out not to be more than a stupid prank from an even more stupid brother, would actually be transformed into a lasting relationship.

“I'm going stir crazy,” Cas told the empty apartment and banned the morose thoughts out of his head with another thought about having someone fix the window before Dean came here.


	16. Chapter 16

The first thing he did upon waking up was calling a maintenance number from his building's announcement board and upon hearing that fixing the window wasn't expensive enough to have the cost covered by the landlord, he cursed, because this meant one thing.

He whipped out his phone once more, punching a number in he hadn't called for a while and was greeted with an: “Hello, dearest brother of mine! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“This isn't really a social call, Gabriel. I just happen to know that you know many people and I wondered if there was someone among them who could possibly fix my window.”

“You 'happen to know'? Jeez, Cas. I see the stick is firmly inserted in your posterior again,” Gabriel imitated him.

“Why does everyone say that?” Cas wondered with a frown.

“What, that you can be a little-”

“-formal when I'm pissed with someone?”

“That's one way of saying it.”

“I'm sure I don't want to hear the other ways,” Cas cut the conversation short. “So... can you help me?”

“What? Oh, yeah. I think I know a guy. I'll give you his number, then?”

“If you would,” Cas nodded and sighed. “And while I'm talking to you, I want to invite you to Dean's welcoming party. Alcohol and food are allowed to be brought with you, insults are to be left with the coats in the entryway.”

“Got it. I promise to behave, but I will quietly judge everything I see and decide if I need to rescue my dumb baby brother from himself.”

Cas rolled his eyes and ended the conversation without another word, but at least he had wrenched a vow of silence out of Gabriel and that was something that was usually not easily accomplished.

“Probably just scared I'll punch him again,” Cas told his apartment again as he picked up his keys and his messenger bag to go to work. “I should get a cat or something. That way I wouldn't look like a loony, because I'd talk to someone.”

While he walked to over to the hospital, he sent Dean a voice message via whatsapp.

“How do you feel about cats?”

Dean's answer was immediate.

“Cats are cool,” but his voice had a tone to it that Cas didn't think was genuine, even with the electric static masking his intonation.

“Dean?” he drew the name out in his next message in a more than questioning tone.

There appeared green writing on the screen that told him that Dean was recording a longer message now.

It finished downloading while Cas got into his lab coat for the day and before he joined the other doctors on their ward round, he quickly listened to Dean's message.

“Well, I mean not really, but yes, they kinda are. Just you know, not really for me. I'm kinda allergic and if it's a really mean bastard, I probably won't like it. But it's your place, you decide and if a cat is part of the package then I can dig that,” Dean's voice reached his ear, a little flustered and confused so that Cas had to check his bright smile as he collected the medical progress reports on his patients from the nurse's station.

Dean was so incredibly cute and insecure right now that he'd accept to live with an animal he was allergic to, just to keep the peace and make Cas happy.

Cas made a note in his organiser to get a cat today or tomorrow if his day turned out to get longer, what with medical emergencies, you never really knew what would happen. He found himself enjoying his regular day again just imagining Dean's face as he learned to live with a furry animal he hadn't wanted but would surely accept later.

Cas had always wanted a pet, but he thought wasn't home enough to get one, so he postponed and postponed, thinking that one day when he wasn't living alone anymore, he'd get one. Now seemed like the perfect time to do this.

He even hummed from happiness, something that no one within the bounds of the hospital had ever seen or heard him do, as he went to a specialist he knew about how it could best be arranged that someone who had allergies against cat saliva could be cured in a mild case.

“How strong are your allergies, dearest sweetest Dean?” he cooed into his phone on the way back down to the surgery area.

“Not that bad, you obnoxious cat-loving freak,” was Dean's groused answer.

“Then there is no time like the present to cure it once and for all.”

“I hate you.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you too,” was Dean's next message even though with his intonation, he might have said: “I curse the day I came into existence.”

Cas listened to this over the course of the day, whenever he had a breathing pause and Balthazar frowned when he overheard another repetition of it.

“Is this like a kink thing of yours that he's so rude to you?” he mumbled through his surgical mask, his eyebrows almost entirely gone from how far underneath his bonnet he pulled them.

“Yes, and this kink is called 'my Dean and none of your business',” he winked at Balthazar and then flinched slightly about his own forthrightness.

“You seem really happy,” Balthazar grouched.

“I am. Right,” he said when his countdown beeped to show that his 4 minutes of washing had passed. Come to think of it, he loved countdowns (1 week, 3 days, he reminded himself). “Let's get to it,” he said and left the washing room, water still running down his hands as the sealing door to the operating room closed behind him and a nurse handed him a sterile towel to dry off.

“Hello, Nancy. Do you recognise me?” he asked when he was set up for the surgery and stepped close to his patient on the table.

“Yes, Doctor Cas.”

Balthazar's eyebrows looked like they'd never come back down again about Cas using his Dean-given nickname with his little patients already, but he didn't say anything as he put on gloves and a nurse put a lamp onto his forehead.

“Great, now I need you to stay calm while we help you, ok? You won't feel anything like I told you, and soon-”

“I'm going to fsleep,” the girl lisped, recounting the steps on her operating schedule that Cas had explained to her.

“That's entirely right,” Cas smiled even though she could only see his eyes crinkle between mask and cap.

“And when you wake up you'll be well really soon, ok?”

The little girl nodded earnestly and giggled a little when the 'sleepy weepy' mask, as she had called it when Cas had showed her the plastic mouthpiece for the first time, was placed over her nose and mouth and she went to sleep, the anasthetist leading narcotics into her veins with an infusion as soon as she went under.

Cas' smile was gone as he moved over to assist Balthazar who asked for the saw to puncture Hannah's skull.

“So help me, if you kill her, I'll kill you.”

“Stop flirting, love,” Balthazar chuckled, and Cas breathed regularly and deeply as his friend made the first insertion.

If their little banter before procedures they worked at together was still intact despite everything that had happened, their friendship was made to endure. Everyone in the hospital had little rituals to be upheld for good luck during surgeries. They all had the skill to perform, but a little luck could never hurt. And maybe, in this case the ritual was also a sign that Cas' and Balthazar's friendship would get even better in time because they both knew where they stood now.

 

The surgery went well, the fluid pressure that had caused little Nancy's problems with holding her head up and consequently made her unable to walk properly was let out and her skull wrapped so that she would heal in time. Cas went with her into the anaesthetic recovery room, giving Balth a thankful nod before he left the operating room.

“Doctor Cas, my head hurtfs,” were her first words as she woke up, Cas having remained close, signing off case sheets and studying next to her bed, so she'd see him as soon as she came to again.

“I know, but we managed to get the bad stuff out, and now you can heal. Do you want to see your parents?”

“Can mommy stay with me tonight in case I don't want to wake up anymore?”

“We won't let that happen. We'll check on you regularly. But of course your mommy can stay with you tonight.”

It was against hospital policy, but Cas had noticed that there were less post surgical complications if the parents remained with their kids after surgery.

His supervising surgeon didn't think it had any effect, but Cas had been granted permission from the hospital board and was toying with the idea of noting down his findings and present the results to the board as soon as he had collected enough data.

It wasn't a real clinical study and therefore not as important or prestigious, but Cas felt like it was vitally important to change his hospital policies in this respect.

Dean listened fascinated when he told him about his ideas in the evening and agreed with him about the importance of parental care after surgery.

“You're perfect,” Dean beamed when Cas had finished telling him about his day and what he was working on.

“Say that again when I show you what else I got today. Or who else, I should specify.”

“Is there someone else in your bed?” Dean huffed.

“Yes, and she's small and playful and furry.”

“And here I thought all those things would make you _not_ have a boner and take it to bed with you, or is there something you haven't told me?”

“Very funny, Dean. Here, meet Elsa.”

“Elsa, as in icequeen Elsa?” Dean asked when Cas turned the screen to show him a completely white, fast asleep cat sleeping on the unoccupied pillow in his bed.

“How did you know?” Cas chuckled.

“Hard to ignore if the franchise is freakin' everywhere,” Dean grumbled and if Cas wasn't mistaken, he blushed a little.

Cas' heart swelled, but he didn't wanna anger Dean by telling him how adorable he found him right now, so before he went to bed, he told him how he had gotten Princess Elsa out of an animal shelter where her previous owner had brought her. The teenage girl had cried her eyes out about having to give her away, but her stepfather loathed the little creature and kicked her whenever she came near him.

“This way, she said, she'll come to a good home where she's wanted.”

“Did they tell you that in the shelter?”

“No, I talked to the girl and took the cat before she even had to stay there over night-,” Cas interrupted himself, because: “Did you just 'awww' at this?”

“Nope, never did. Not at all.”

“You did though, I heard you.”

“That can't have been. Must have been your broken window drawing wind or something.”

“No, that can't be it. I had it fixed today. Or rather, one of Gabriel's friends did.”

“That's nice. Hey, how did that guy get in?”

“You're distracting, Dean.”

“I know. Seriously though, didn't you say you were at work the whole day? What happened? You took some time off, paid the guy in naturals and in person over your lunch break?”

“Gabe has a key, you assbutt.”

“Assbutt? That's rich,” Dean chuckled.

“And what do you mean, naturals? Do you think I'd...”

“I don't know, you've been moaning about how horny you are, and I- I'm so far away. I wouldn't blame you if you took the edge off until I'm with you.”

“Stop it right there before I encourage Elsa to leave her fur everywhere just so you're as annoyed as I am right now. I don't know what your idea of a relationship is, Winchester, but my factory setting is monogamy. Are you saying you want to date other people?”

“Ah hell no,” Dean shook his head and seemed relieved. “I'm just saying... If you want to...”

“I want you. Just you.”

“Good!” Dean shouted out too happily and then tried to amend his outburst. “Great, I mean, that's just great. I want only you too.”

“Good to have that absolutely clear. And Dean, before I go?”

“Yeah?”

“You did 'awww'.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes an announcement, my darlings. I'm working hard on finishing this story and it's probably gonna wrap within a few more chapters. I hope to get it done this weekend, and post as soon as I can to get the ending to y'all.


	17. Chapter 17

“How long until your Dean gets here now?” Anna asked cheerily, but Cas wasn't ready to listen to her, in a frenzy about all the things he still had to organise.

“So the food and drinks are covered, if you're still all bringing something. The cat will have to be locked up in the bathroom because I don't know yet how she reacts to strangers, maybe I should get some more napkins or stuff until tomorrow-”

“Oh, really? We weren't aware your big party would be _tomorrow_ , Castiel,” Uriel chuckled.

“Not like you have been annoying everyone with your preparation and your unravelling before our eyes a bit more every day,” Hannah smiled.

“I am hosting an intervention anyway,” Balthazar snapped Cas' list out of his fingers and before he could say anything, he sat down on a bench in their changing room, the papers under his butt now. “Do you still want them back?”

“No, gross. But I can print out more. I have them all backed up on my computer.”

“Of course you have,” Anna rolled her eyes. “But you went over this 50 times in a row, it's nothing new to be found in there and you are completely ready. You've got tomorrow off, so you can go home now, relax because you have everything organised, catch a good night's sleep so you don't look like something out of a nightmare, or else Dean might not recognise you.”

“Maybe you're right,” Cas said, letting out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. “Some rest would be good. I'll see you all tomorrow,” he waved and got on the way home, hoping beyond hope that his colleagues wouldn't run their mouth about how much he annoyed them.

He imagined what they would say the entire way home, so downcast that he needed a few moments to notice that there was a human-shaped thing sitting on the top step of his building.

Cas' mouth opened and closed a couple of times, no words coming out as the person waiting got up and crossed over.

“Aren't you even gonna say anything?”

“I- I- I'm not ready. I'm sweaty and I'm pretty sure I still have some vomit on me from where Declan had his little accident all over me, I wanted to shower, have a sleep and,” his voice quieted down to a whisper by the end: “I'm not ready to welcome you _home._ Not like should be. I had this all planned.”

“Surprise,” Dean whispered back, grinning. “Would you prefer if I waited in the car and we talk over the phone about how your patient's still upset stomach has stained your clothes again? Maybe you'd like me to find the nearest Starbucks so we can skype about all of this or...,” Dean flashed him a sudden, coy grin: “Can I come in?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Cas said distractedly and went up the stairs, numbly noticing how Dean picked up a dufflebag with what must be most of his regular clothes and with a start, he noticed that Dean's Chevy Impala was packed at the curb. How had he not noticed that? He pondered about routines and how blind they can make a person. Since he hadn't expected to see the car during his coming home routine his brain had simply not registered it's presence.

On the other hand, he was hyperaware of Dean within the apartment he had pictured him in so often beforehand and with a dizzy thought, he noticed that his fantasies were very different in reality. He had dreamt Dean would be here when the apartment was clean and perfect like he was, not when yesterday’s dishes were still in the sink, his medical journals and study cards were strewn all over the sofa and his hamper full with dirty laundry.

“I swear you look like you want to disappear before my eyes,” Dean chuckled and looked around the kitchen/living room when Cas just shook his head for a moment.

“That's not it,” he finally managed to get out. “It's just I wanted to get everything ready for you and don't look filthy and exhausted and... you're early,” he gave something between a head twist and a shrug, looking away from Dean who had probably not expected this kind of a greeting.

Cas felt Dean creep up on him, his fingertips stroking over his sides in another minute and his scent hitting Cas' nostrils, making his eyes sting in it's warm, not endured without familiarity.

“You remember our call from a bit over a week ago?”

“The one with the cat and parents staying with their kids?”

“Yeah, that one. What did I tell you you were?”

“Uh... perfect?” Cas fished around, thinking that that was the right answer to Dean's question.

“That's right, sweetheart,” Dean smiled again and when he finally kissed him, Cas dropped his bag, fisting his hands in Dean's shirt and forgot that he had thought this _wasn't_ perfect. It didn't matter that he or the apartment hadn't been ready, this here, Dean's fingers on him, his warmth and taste in his mouth, this was what he had craved.

“Hello, Dean,” he said hoarsely when their mouths parted after a small eternity.

“That's better,” there was the chuckle in his voice that Cas had missed to hear so much. He stroked over Dean's slight stubble in wonder.

“How are you here already?” he still wanted to know.

“Skipped the last day,” Dean shrugged and picked up his bag again, Cas taking his hand and leading him through into the bedroom.

“So, this is the grand tour now?”

“I don't know if it's really grand. You've seen everything but the bathroom.”

At the mentioning of bathroom, Cas felt a longing for a shower, but he didn't know what Dean expected from him. He had come here to live with him, but at the moment he felt more like a host having to entertain a guest. Would Dean jump up to shower with him and would he be expected to perform sexual wonders under the spray while he just wanted to get clean, have some dinner and fall into bed?

“Why don't you grab the first shower and I'll unpack a bit in the mean time? Where can I put my stuff?” Dean asked, clairvoyant apparently.

“Here,” Cas said thankfully, walking over to the closet, which he had managed to reorganise already, so that Dean had half of it for himself.

“Thanks,” Dean grinned, giving him a quick peck before he started unpacking, easing in to the space in quiet while Cas went to get his shower.

“This is weird,” he mumbled, his spirit rising under the hot water, and wondered why he was still talking to himself with neither the cat nor Dean in the room.

When he was finished and came out already with his pyjamas on, Dean sat on the bed, him and Elsa eyeing each other, assessing if they were gonna be able to coexist.

“Hey,” Dean greeted, not leaving Elsa out of his sight who apparently decided Dean wasn't worth her time anymore because she began to lick her paw to clean the top of her head with it.

“Bathroom's yours. Did you eat anything for dinner yet?”

“Not really. I could eat. If it's no trouble.”

“Not at all. Sandwiches ok? I know it's not much, but I had a long day and don't really feel like cooking unless you insist.”

“Sandwiches are cool,” Dean shrugged, passing him by on the way to the bathroom.

“If you don't know where everything is, I can-”

“I brought my own stuff-”

“Oh, of course you did. Sorry-”

“Don't mention it.”

Both stopped talking now, standing across from each other awkwardly until Cas felt the need to say something else.

“It's not that I'm not glad to have you here, because believe me I am. It's just...”

“Strange,” Dean supplied with a nod. “We just... I dunno. Need an icebreaker or something.”

“I'll think of one,” Cas promised.

Dean nodded again and went into the bathroom while Cas went into the kitchen.

He didn't touch any of the supplies for the party and made two sandwiches with the regular stuff in the fridge, while his thoughts from before he had found Dean outside surfaced again. If he and Dean were this weird around each other, people would talk about them behind their backs throughout the whole party. Was it even a good idea to host this now and had he better not waited until they had settled in together? Would they be better off if he had collected Dean at the airport tomorrow as planned and they had kissed immediately? No, they wouldn't have been, he decided. They _had_ kissed and they still walked around each other on eggshells.

“Help!” he heard Dean shout and he flinched violently before his feet carried him into the bedroom, his head whipping around for any cause of danger but seeing nothing but Dean with Elsa purring away on his lap.

“What? What?”

“I'm being attacked here! Help me!”

“What? Who by?”

“Are you kidding me? Can't you see her? She's just climbed into my lap. Claws and crotch, man. Not a good match.”

Cas blinked, then his face parted into a smile which grew to roaring laughter within another couple of seconds, Dean falling in after a while, laughing full-bodied at the top of his lungs.

Elsa meowed when she got shaken awake and stepped off Dean with a disgusted glance back before she tapped off into the living room and rolled herself together, not paying any heed to the strange humans whose laughs turned into smacking sounds, then low moans, and then louder moans.

Because _something_ seemed to motivate Cas to sit on Dean's lap once Elsa had vacated which drove them both to laugh more until their eyes found each other and their laughter slowly died on their lips.

It was replaced by deliberate consideration on Cas' part before he leaned in and captured Dean's mouth, moaning immediately at contact, his breath hitching when Dean reached up to meet him and opened his mouth with a sigh that sounded much like Cas' name.

Something burning seemed to fill the pit of Cas' stomach and he pressed against Dean's frame until he had laid him underneath himself on the mattress.

Cas reached out to his nightstand, finding the lube he had in the drawer and already placing it next to them, then deliberately pulling his shirt off while Dean had his hands on his hips and looked up at him with an awed expression.

Cas helped him to get his own shirt off and then they were kissing again, rubbing their crotches together until they both panted for more.

They panted when they undid their sweatpants and Dean gave a soft curse when their skin finally rubbed together without anything inbetween, Cas eagerly reaching for the lube which gave Dean ample time to admire his stretched out arm and shower it with kisses.

Then he watched enraptured as Cas started opening himself up, Dean's strokes on his upper body and his knee rubbing over his cock from time to time making him moan shamelessly.

They kept eyecontact when he was ready and Dean's cock slipped into him easily, tightly locking their fingers together when Cas started moving, finally feeling perfect and full.

Cas bounced himself and Dean's hips snapped up into him, both starting to moan when they got closer, and Cas pressed one of their tangled hands to his heart, while he let go of the other and directed Dean's hand to his cock, bopping up and down against Dean's stomach.

Cas' eyes screwed tightly shut when Dean jerked his orgasm out of him and moaned low and animalistically. He smiled possessively afterwards, seeing Dean come apart and shooting all he had inside him with growls of his own, loving how Dean just held him in place and rutted into him with force.

“I love you,” Cas whispered, leaning down and capturing Dean's mouth again after he panted out an: “I love you too.”

 

They ate the sandwiches at around three in the morning and startling Elsa awake who meowed at them grumpily because of it. After that they closed the door to the bedroom so the poor cat would be able to go back to sleep but they didn't desist from each other until the early morning light came in through the repaired window. Only then they came to a stop, their bodies sweaty and the sheets sticky.


	18. Chapter 18

The bell rang when Cas' eyes opened again and a sound that barely seemed human from his side reminded him of why he was asleep in broad daylight and his body was sore in all the right places.

“Make it stop,” Dean groaned when the bell sounded through the small apartment again and Cas slowly got vertical, picking up boxer briefs that he was pretty sure weren't his and tapped over to the door.

“Yeah?” he groaned out, yawning widely as too awake voices reached his ear.

“Open up, open up, open up!”

“Okaaay,” he yawned again and buzzed the obnoxious people in, opening the door a bit already so that he wouldn't have to remain standing here for much longer.

“Coffee?” he said loudly, and got an appreciative grunt from the direction of the bedroom. “Put on some pants though, we're gonna have company soon,” he added which was followed by another grunt that sounded less appreciative.

Cas stood and waited by the coffee machine, even as Balthazar and Gabriel stormed into the room with party supplies.

“We figured we'd come and help you set up,” Gabe beamed and Balth nodded happily, but both lost their calm expression when Dean emerged from the bedroom, slouching over to Cas, kissing him and looping his arms around his hips, whispering: “Morning,” with his eyes just a opened a tiny fraction and completely ignoring their company for the time being.

“Morning,” Cas heard himself answer with an almost moan, as he took two mugs out of the cupboard while Dean's head rested on his shoulder.

“I'm gonna lose my breakfast,” Balthazar groaned and put paper bags onto the counter between the living room area and the kitchen part, sitting down so that the display of affection going on wasn't directly in his line of sight anymore.

Cas turned his head and was sorry to see that Balthazar actually looked hurt by being surprised with the sight of two nearly naked man that had clearly been sleeping in, cuddling and touching as soon as they were awake, their hair tousled and it overall being obvious what they had done to be in this state.

“Yeah, good morning,” Gabe shifted his weight from one foot to the other nervously as he looked at them, still all up close and not even thinking about moving away from each other as Cas handed Dean his coffee, by now awake enough to not have to ask and simply remembering that he took it black.

“Mornin',” Dean grinned, his arm still loosely around Cas' hip as he faced Gabriel. “Long time no see. I think you got me at a disadvantage because both times we've met, I didn't have anything except shorts on. I just wanted to let you know that I own clothes.”

“Good to know, Dean-o,” Gabe grinned, and Cas was pleased to find no obvious signs of reserve in his expression and glad that Dean had found an icebreaker again.

“What time is it anyway?” he asked next, shifting slightly to reach around Dean to be able to see the clock on the microwave. He was keenly aware of Dean coming closer too, his fingers lazily stroking over his hipbone now. Cas also heard a quickly strangled sigh sounding like Balthazar had re-emerged over his paper bag fort.

“It's only 10? I thought it was 3 PM or something like that.”

“We thought you would be lonely and ever since you almost panicked the entire week, we figured it would be better if you wouldn't be alone. Uncalled for, as we see now,” Balthazar couldn't banish the hurt of his voice, but Cas also noticed that he had freely let Dean know about what a state he had been in, if uncaring or with vicious intent wasn't clear to him, and he couldn't help but think that that was a betrayal of their friendship.

“Aww,” Dean whispered into his ear, letting his hands trail up Cas' spine and rescuing his happy mood. “Were you nervous, baby?”

“I was, and you 'awww'd again,” Cas mumbled, goosebumps creeping over his arms when Dean stroked them next, his hands coming to rest cupping his face.

“Guilty,” Dean rasped, Cas following the pull of his hands and raising his arms to grab Dean around the shoulders and they kissed until Gabe loudly cleared his throat a couple of times.

“We should really get a shower, and some breakfast going,” Cas mumbled, blushing a bit when he could focus on anything other than Dean and thought about how they must appear to the others.

“You should go,” Gabe agreed, again shifting. “Balth and I will make breakfast, unpack and stuff. And dearest brother... Don't hurry up, ok?” he waggled his eyebrows, letting Cas know that they should take care of their sexual tension before they came back.

“Great, thanks for this,” he nodded and took Dean by the hand, leading him into the bathroom.

He couldn't help but overhear Gabe saying to Balthazar: “Better face it, Barko. That ship sailed long ago. No sense in moping around.”

They didn't hear Balthazar's reply because Dean shut the doors to the bedroom and then later to the bathroom.

“Ok, he really acts like he's been jilted or some shit. You sure you never had anything with the guy?”

“Positive,” Cas nodded, getting into the cubicle and turning around, grinning as he let his hand glide down his body and deep between his legs.

“Ready when you are,” he moaned and Dean didn't hesitate to follow him in, his fingers joining Cas' in his ass at once, seeing that he was still wet and sloppy on the inside from their run last night.

“I'm so ready,” he moaned into Cas' ear as he turned the water on.

Cas cantered his hips up, feeling Dean's semi against his cheeks, and moving against him.

“You get me so hard, baby,” Dean moaned, his fingers digging into Cas' hipbones again, their favourite resting place for now.

“That's the point,” Cas gave back, pressing his hands against the stall and prodding himself open. He let his head hang and sighed when Dean fucked into him, lowering himself to take him as deep as possible.

“Hmm,” Dean moaned, lifting Cas up once he was in to the hilt, stroking over Cas' chest, playing over his rips and collarbone as he thrust up, Cas pushing back onto the thick intrusion inside him with strangled gasps.

“Wish we could be loud again,” Dean quipped, fucking deep and fast.

“Me too,” Cas answered, getting one hand off the tiles to direct Dean's hand onto his dick. “It's good though. Make me come.”

“Yes,” Dean agreed, licking over the shell of Cas' ear as he worked him over.

Cas felt his lower back nearly giving from how good it felt to have Dean slam into him and jerking him at the same time.

“Your cock feels so perfect,” he got out and then he was spasming in Dean's grip, low rumbling noises escaping him as he came.

“Yours too,” Dean whispered appreciatively as he pulled out and gave Cas' dick a last farewell stroke.

Cas turned, smiling lewdly as he took hold of Dean's hard length, jacking him hard.

“That's how close I got you?” he asked when Dean collapsed against him within just a few seconds, his head again on Cas' shoulder as hot come marked Cas' thighs and got washed away immediately.

“Yeah,” Dean looked up, grinning wide and dopily.

“Damn, I'm good,” Cas smiled.

“Alright, enough with the self-flattery, already,” Dean found his brisk nature again. “Let's get cleaned up.”

 

The party didn't seem to be what Dean had expected. Since he hadn't been taken by Balthazar for obvious reasons, Cas introduced him to his other colleagues, but he didn't seem to like Hannah or Anna that much. Uriel and him observed each other for a while and then they seemed to get along, because Uriel and Dean shared a bit of the same humour, but there didn't seem to be a friendship forming.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“Why don't you try to get along with them better?” Cas asked after about three hours of getting to know each other and they were in the kitchen, having a whispered conversation.

“Listen, I know they are your colleagues and you see them every day, but... Whenever you leave the room, they start talking medical stuff, and Hannah and Anna actually talked to each other about finally having to believe that I was actually real and you hadn't made me up and they only stopped when they realised I heard them.”

“What?” Cas asked tonelessly so that only his lips moved.

Dean shrugged. “They're ok, and I get that they're sort of your friends, but this seems sorta douchey, y'know... I don't think I'll be really close to them. Or are you?”

“Not really,” Cas realised with a bang in his stomach. He had thought about this before he went to Vegas and met Dean. He had been stumbling on the fringes of things with the people in his living room. He had thought that would change now that they knew what to make of him, now that he was with someone who would accompany him to parties, baptisms, and weddings. But he just now noticed that they were still themselves, and he was still who he always was.

“Are you ok?” Dean's quiet voice was in his ear.

“I am,” he smiled, turning to him and deciding to stop giving a crap about what they would think. Whether or not Dean and he still needed to figure some stuff out together or not, whether or not he had been too excited about him coming here, and about them running their mouths and actually not believing him when he had told them about Dean, which seemed a pretty shady thing to believe in the first place. Cas had never lied to them, why would they assume he'd start now?

“Let's just watch a movie or something, so it's not too obvious that we don't really have anything to say to each other,” Dean again proved his ability to read Cas racing thoughts and want to help him get away from his gloominess.

“Frozen?”

“Anything but Frozen,” Dean shook his head, but in the end had to concede because neither of the guests except Gabriel had ever seen the movie, too busy with their very important lives and Anna didn't like action movies, Hannah didn't like horror movies, and someone had put an embargo on comedies ever since Uriel once had a laughing fit that lasted an entire movie. So Frozen it was.

Afterwards, they went on to watch Tangled because Dean told them that the movie was much better than Frozen anyway, which was just about the only thing that everyone agreed on.

“The story of the other one is so weak, but at least they gave her a shiny ice dress, right?”

“And that snowman was more annoying that Jar Jar Bings.”

“Are you crazy, he was the only good thing about it.”

Dean and Cas kept out of the discussions that lasted until everyone was more or less pissed, drunk and ready to go home.

“I had a lovely evening. Hey, why don't you two come play softball with our group on the weekend? We're very LGBT+ friendly,” Hannah smiled.

“We'll let you know,” Cas told her, but when the door closed, Dean shook his head.

“No way in hell am I gonna be dragged into something where we're the posterboy gays for a bunch of yuppies.”

When Gabriel, who had remained behind to help them clean up laughed loudly about that, Dean seemed to shrink a little.

“U-unless you want to, of course.”

“Not at all, don't worry,” Cas smiled about Dean starting to openly blurt out everything he said again, even if he was still a bit nervous.

“They were in a really good mood tonight,” Gabriel grinned. “Being their best horrible selves. I mean even I feel that I need to apologise for them being all entitled the whole evening. At least nobody condescendingly asked you about your previous work, I guess. Which is something I should really apologise for,” Gabe added in an afterthought, taking a big sip of wine and smiling at both of them again when he confessed: “I'm either too protective or I do too little, I never seem to find a balance. If you wanna clock me one, you can. I hear it's therapeutic.”

“It definitely is,” Cas agreed as he wiped off the coffee table and brought a previously missed empty wine bottle to the counter.

“Nah, I'll pass. Maybe another time,” Dean shrugged.

“This is disappointing,” Cas let his frustration out now. “I wanted to introduce you to some people, get you a new set of friends after leaving your life for me and then this happens,” he clonked the plates together angrily as he loaded up the dishwasher. “And I had all those insecurities about what they think of me, and still wanted to be part of their club. I was actually gleeful about showing you off to Balthazar this morning. I'm horrible.”

"No, you're not," both Dean and Gabe said immediately and his brother, who seemed in a chatty mood, because of his tipsiness went on further: "Some people build their entire existence on things like that and never realise that they're running after an ideal image that isn't real,” he said wisely. “I am glad you see things for what they are now though. And I'm glad you two found each other. Have a good night,” he added quickly, backing out of the door in fear that his words would trigger another display of affection. Which they did when they turned in for the night after consoling poor Elsa on being inside the closet for the entire duration of the visit.


	19. Chapter 19

“Are you nervous?”

“Not really,” Dean bluffed, but Cas saw right through him, watching him with an expression that told him clearly that he wasn't fooled in the slightest.

Dean, who was driving, felt comfortable to ignore Cas for a minute, while they passed the mile marker that told them that they were only two miles outside of Palo Alto.

“Ok, Mr. Know-it-all. I am nervous. You sure you won't have to study more and we have to turn around?”

“No, what I don't know now, I'll never learn,” Cas answered.

It had been a month. A glorious month of nothing but them together, and they had really started to get comfortable with sharing the same living space; no more awkwardness crippled Dean into adorable insecurity, although sometimes Cas found himself missing the first few days whenever the cocky version of his partner was presented to him with full force. After dinner, Dean would sit on the couch, his boots up on the coffee table and holding out his arm for Cas to sink into with the mother of cocky smiles brightening his face every evening. At first Cas had frowned about this behaviour but increasingly, he noticed that he just didn't care anymore, catching himself stretching out and his feet joining Dean's on the table, stopping to pretend to care about what people at work would say if they saw him like this.

Dean had taken up temporary work as a waiter until his psychology classes at the community college would start in the fall and he said he was happy about any kind of work that wouldn't reveal his body anymore, which Cas heartily welcomed even though Balthazar was disappointed when he tried to book Dean as their entertainment for the evening. Cas' feelings towards the other surgeon cooled even more, and the next time they saw him on Uriel's yacht, Dean was sure to show everyone that he didn't appreciate anyone's hands but Cas' on his body in obviously possessive ways.

In time, Cas had met all of Dean's friends and had taken to everyone more than to his pretentious colleagues. Charlie, Benny and Bobby were particular favourites of his, and even though they lived in different parts of the country, their whatsapp conversations were more recent in his contact list than anyone from the hospital, and that included Bobby who was very sporadic in his texting and preferred to call them.

Cas' final exam before his fellowship was on the weekend. But until then, he had the time off so that he and Dean could finally visit his brother just in time for his graduation ceremony.

“When did you last see him?”

“Two years ago.”

“Why so long?”

“Didn't find the time to meet, with me working almost every weekend and Sam busy throughout the whole week.”

“But that will change now, right? You're much closer to each other.”

“Don't you think that there might me more reasons why he's never made more efforts to stay in contact? I mean it was always me calling and making sure we talked every week.”

Cas' heart swelled because Dean confided in him so much that he felt comfortable to ask him these kinds of questions but he didn't tell him, fearing he'd make him uncomfortable with revealing the deep level of his affection in an unprepared moment. Instead he just asked: “Did he brush you off, or was he cold to you?”

“No, we always talked for at least half an hour, longer if he had trouble with anything.”

“See. I bet he loved the time of the week when his big brother would call him again. Like a ritual you both had, even if he didn't say it in so many words.”

“Do you think so?”

“Absolutely,” Cas nodded.

Turns out he had been right. Sam Winchester seemed absolutely happy to see his big brother and get to know Cas. If Cas had to describe him with Dean's words, he would have said that he shot sunbeams out of his dimples whenever he laughed, and you couldn't help but laugh with him.

He graduated best of the class as they learned at the ceremony, and over dinner, he told them all about his full ride for law school.

“A full ride? Pretty damn impressive, Sammy,” Dean clapped his shoulder.

“Not that much, I've done it before,” Sam hemmed and hawed, and suddenly it was very apparent that they were indeed brothers, a fact that was obscured by Sam's longer, darker hair. But once he looked past that, Cas could really discern the family resemblance.

“So, what else do you need? Books, office supplies-”

“I'm covered,” Sam interrupted his brother now. “Seriously, you don't need to worry about me. I'm all grown up and you don't have to sacrifice anything for me. How much money have you saved up over the years, just in case I needed it? Two degrees at a fancy college and more, I guess?”

Now it was Dean's turn to act coy, like he didn't want to admit the truth of what Sam said.

“So, you really don't need it?”

“No,” Sam laughed. “Spend it on yourself, make a deposit on a house with Cas and pay for your courses. Live a little,” he continued to laugh, even when Cas already saw the hurt in Dean's eyes.

Sam saw it too just a minute later, and shoved his brother a little.

“Doesn't mean I don't need my pain in the ass big brother anymore. You'll still call, right? And once you have more space, I'll come over to visit.”

“What makes you think we want to expand, Sasquatch?” Dean rolled his eyes, but seemed relieved still to be appreciated.

“One, the couch on the photo you sent me didn't look long enough to sleep on, from what I could see around the gruesome liplock. Thanks for that, by the way,” Sam pretended to vomit into his salad, before continuing: “Cas' apartment is a bachelor's pad. After a bit you'll need your own space, especially when you start studying. There'll still be gross couch kissing selfies to endure, but just generally speaking, you could use some more space.”

“You're right, Sam,” Cas agreed, already having thought something similar himself.

“That we're gross?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Cas deadpanned about Dean's quip, expecting it in fact, but not wanting to be distracted right now. “We should really find something bigger soon. I'd consider buying too. You have the means to go half/half on our own place, as I'm sure you'd want it to be.”

“You're serious?” Dean was stunned into silence for a while, needing time to let the concept of owning something and being able to do something to actively further his own happiness sink in.

“You need to think about it of course, but I think it would be good to decide rather sooner than later. I don't feel comfortable moving when you have classes, and when they are over it will be winter. Not a good time to move.”

Dean nodded numbly, too stunned to say more right now, and through the arrival of Sam's girlfriend Jessica, who had celebrated for a while with her own family before joining them, he was relieved of an answer anyway. 

 

“Do you really think we should move?” he asked later that evening when they were alone on a guest mattress in Sam's and Jess' living room.

“Counterquestion: Why do you think we shouldn't?”

“The cat, for instance,” Dean seemed to fish for straws and it was obvious to Cas that he knew it, too. “I bet princess Elsa wouldn't like to live somewhere else. And we have everything we need, don't we?”

“And who was the one complaining about wanting a proper table and not just a counter to sit on?”

“Well yeah, but-”

“Or remember when the damn window fell out of its frame even after trying to fix it? Twice?”

“I guess...”

“Water pressure, bigger couch, a garage for your baby?” Cas listed things Dean had complained about.

“Ok, ok. Let's start looking when we're back.”

“Thank you,” Cas said with emphasis.

“Was that a moan?” Dean raised an eyebrow and crept closer, his eager fingers already under Cas' waistband, when he whispered: “At least I can bet I can turn it into one in under five minutes.”

“Dean, we're in your brother's home.”

“So?”

“It means we... shouldn't...” Cas started, but Dean seemed bored with the conversation, diving under the blanket and swallowing Cas' cock down in one long movement of his throat. “I guess we can... a little bit... fuck,” Cas moaned quietly, carding through Dean's hair and happily reciprocating the blowjob without another care when it was his turn.


	20. Chapter 20

They stayed in Stanford for a few days, while Cas was slowly but surely getting nervous about his approbation examination after all.

Gabriel called the day he was supposed to fly to wish him good luck.

“You're gonna rock this, Cas,” he cheered him loudly and Cas could do nothing but groan, though he was slightly happy to hear himself called Cas even by his brother now. Sometime during the last month, Castiel who was afraid to be the odd one out from his peers had been replaced with Cas, who was happy, self confident and in love.

“I'd better,” he rumbled, a lopsided grin on his face.

“Hey, by the way. Can I by any chance have those rings back that I put onto your fingers a while ago? They were kinda expensive and my credit card didn't seem to like the big bill without prior notice.”

“No, you're not getting those back,” Cas denied his brother gleefully. “Serves you right for setting this up in the first place. It's not like Dean and I wouldn't have gotten to know each other without it. In case you didn't realise, he was in my bed when I woke up. So, I was probably gonna say a few words to him, right? But anyway, we're keeping them and you won't have to give us a housewarming gift when we get a bigger place. Is that alright by you?”

“No, sweeten the deal. I won't get you anything for a wedding present and the birth of your first two children either.”

Cas blushed a bit: “That hasn't come up again, now that we don't have to deal with the consequences of doing so in Vegas. And we didn't talk about... the other thing, at all.”

“What? You'd better get on that before you're thinking of getting a bigger place together. Maybe he doesn't even want kids and you find that out five years down the road.”

“Gabriel,” Cas said in a warning tone, his brother again nosing into stuff that didn't concern him.

“Sorry, forgot again. None of my business. But you do want that, don't you?”

“Eventually yeah,” Cas sighed in admittance before they left the topic and Gabe wished him luck for his exam once more.

“Who was that, babe?” Dean asked when Cas came back into the living room where Dean, Sam and Jess sat around a huge plateful of cheesy nachos, stuffing themselves.

“Gabe,” Cas answered while he shoved Dean's legs out of the way so he could fall back onto the couch.

“What'd you talk about?”

“Oh, just the exam, the moving, you and me and where we're headed.”

“We're headed towards bloated stomachs,” Dean chuckled and slapped Sam's and Jess' fingers out of the way. “Paws off, people. Cas hasn't gotten any yet.”

“Thanks,” Cas beamed, but couldn't help but think that this was too little for the big questions raised within him by his brother.

 

He flew the next day, Dean driving him to the airport and Cas felt gloomy and nervous, which brought something to his mind which he hadn't asked Dean before.

“Hey, how did you manage to fly here? Was it hard on you?”

“Shit yeah,” Dean agreed. “But I kept thinking of you to keep me calm.”

“That worked?”

“Yeah. That and humming Metallica,” he smiled.

“I might give that a go,” Cas said nervously, gripping his bag and the wrapper with the suit he was gonna wear.

“Hey,” Dean said, stopping him from getting out of the car. “C'mere for a second,” he rasped.

Cas leaned over and Dean gave him the sweetest kiss he'd ever given him, his palms hardly touching his face in their gentleness, and his mouth massaging Cas' lips, before he kittenlicked them softly.

“Make me proud, sweetheart,” he whispered when he pulled off.

“I will,” Cas beamed, aware that his cheeks were flushed and his nervousness was gone for the time being.

“And get that gorgeous ass home in one piece for me, ok?”

“Promise.”

 

Cas was glad that he didn't fly from the same airport as his colleagues and only got to meet them when he arrived at the hotel in which the nationwide surgical approbation exam was held.

“Are we all prepared and ready?” Anna asked them friendly.

“I see examiners with whom I've slept already, so I don't really think so,” was Balthazar's slightly nervous reply.

“I am thoroughly prepared,” Hannah huffed, as if the question wasn't even worth answering.

“Yeah, I'm good,” Uriel rolled his eyes about their pretense.

“Me too,” Cas agreed with him, not wanting to continue the discussion and excusing himself as soon as he could for his own room and some quiet time.

He tried not to think as the next 12 hours passed by, only grinned when Dean's friends sent him messages, the last one arriving just minutes before the exam. He nodded at Uriel with a slight smile, the only one wishing him luck as he passed into his own examination room just when a voice swept down the hall: “Castiel Novak, please.”

 

“I have heard that two of my team haven't made the cut,” Zachariah posed in front of them threateningly.

Cas was back home, the flight back went straight after his sessions, and even though he tried to distract himself again, he had been so nervous that he clutched his phone even though he had no reception in the plane. Had he done a good job? He wasn't sure. Though he reminded himself he had always described the procedures he was asked about until the very end and he was sure he had done it correctly.

Now that the newly elected chief-surgeon Zachariah was in front of him, he wasn't so sure anymore. Two of the five of them hadn't passed?

“Ain't nothing we can do about it now, Sir,” Uriel set his jaw, obviously hating Zach even more than usually, and in the mood to crack some bones.

“You can damn well wait here until you get your emails and I see who of you I can fire first!” Zachariah spluttered out saliva disgustingly, looking at Cas and Uriel in a way that told them if they dared not to be approbated, they'd get the boot faster than they could blink.

“Wait, I think I have it,” Anna announced, her phone beeping and she swiped over it in frantic motions. “Passed!” she shouted.

“Didn't expect anything different, Milton,” Zach grinned.

Balthazar's and Hannah's phones beeped next. From the way Hannah's hands immediately shot up to cover her face and loud sobs sounded from behind, it was evident what had happened.

“Oh no. No, no, no,” she cried and shook Anna off when she wanted to hug her, and cried so heartbreakingly that not even Zachariah wanted to show her the door immediately in fear that she'd latch only him and soak his pristine shirt with salty tears.

In the confusion, Balthazar only mumbled a small: “Passed,” and then stood there, looking at Cas and Uriel.

Uriel's phone went off first, and by the time Cas shakingly opened his own email, he had already barked out a triumphant: “Passed,” directed at his sleazy boss.

“This can only mean one thing. Novak...” Zach started with a spiteful grin. “You're fi-”

“Hold it right there,” Cas held up his hand, grinning himself with his heart racing as he showed Zach his test results in broad lettering: “Passed!”

“Cas, since when are you talking to your superiors that way?” Anna almost whispered in awe.

“Ever since I will not be fired for being a surgeon with an approbation,” Cas rolled his eyes, but shared an exchange of smiles with Anna over Hannah’s head as well.

“So that means that one of you three...” Zach pointed at everyone but Hannah, “has been lying to me.”

“Not me,” Anna said, eagerly showing him her mail as well, same as Uriel though he rolled his eyes about the necessity of it.

“That means... you!” he turned around to Baltazar. “What were you planning on? Let me sack Novak and hope your lie only came out when it was too late?”

“Something like it,” Balthazar answered sonorously. “I admit it. I'm guilty of thinking about myself first. No hard feelings, though. Right, Cassie?”

“No, no hard feelings at all,” Cas huffed, anger coursing through his veins. “I don't even believe I could ever have hard feelings anywhere near you, you spineless dick!”

Balthazar blushed about the innuendo, and only now the realisation that he was out of a job and had to do the approbation test again at a later date seemed to sink in.

“Holy fuckballs. Do you think this is because of moral conduct reasons?”

“Don't know, don't care,” Uriel quipped. “But as a piece of advice for your later life: Stop being an asshole, otherwise you'll die old and alone.”

“Just get out before I have to drag you,” Zach said viciously, Uriel's words obviously having struck a chord with him as well. “And Hamilton, would you stop it with the tears? We might be able to work something out. Since you didn't try to lie about your failure, I might be able to entrust some work to you, yet. Anyway, there is your family to consider and I think it would be very inconsiderate of me to turn you out on the streets.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Hannah sniffed, even as Zach waved her off and walked into the direction of his office. “I suggest you get out of here, and have a mild celebration, but not so much that you're unfit for work tomorrow.”

“Do you think your speech about assholes has done that?” Cas asked Uriel with a grin.

“Might be. But I wouldn't get my hopes up. Tomorrow he'll be the same cranky bastard as ever.”

“At least nothing's changed then,” Cas grinned, seeing Balthazar leaving out the main entrance, his shoulders slouching. 'Good riddance,' he thought to himself, even though he was still a bit worried if Balthazar would fall on his feet after this.

As it happened, Dean, who had obviously decided to surprise Cas with coming home early, came in just while Balthazar was leaving and he didn't seem to help shoving him on his way out.

“Yeah, he'll be fine,” Uriel clapped Cas' back and roared out a laugh, Dean coming up with confusion clearly drawn on his face.

“What's with him?” he jerked his head in the direction Balthazar had disappeared in. “And with chuckles?” he pointed at Uriel. “And the hell's up with her?” he finally asked incredulously as his gaze fell on Hannah who finally let herself be consoled by Anna.

“Exam results,” Cas grinned.

“You made it?” Dean beamed. “Of course you made it!” he nearly shouted and lifted Cas off the ground, spinning him around in a circle once and then embracing him hard while he laughed triumphantly.

“What's with you?” Cas gave back cheekily.

“Shut up, you,” Dean still grinned, pulling Cas in for a kiss before they drove Hannah home and Anna and Uriel had a quick beer with them before going home.

“Maybe they're not all douchebags,” Dean admitted on the way home. “Uriel is kinda cool. And Anna can be nice when she's not all fidgety.”

“And I think now that Hannah has had that scare, she'll be easier to be around as well.”

“I still don't want to be a posterboy for her little circle. But I wouldn't mind if we invite Uriel over to watch the game now and again.”

“Me neither,” Cas chuckled. “As long as we don't expect too much of them.”

“And speaking of expecting too much, there is a house I found that I want us to look at soon.”

“Alright. You want to tell me what it's like or do you want to surprise me?”

“It's a townhouse. It's a little further away from your work as right now, but there is a good connection. It's got 4 bedrooms and a den that can be transformed into another bedroom, or so the agent told me, big kitchen-”

“4 bedrooms? Do we really need that many?”

“I think so,” Dean nodded earnestly. “I don't know about you, but I hate moving. Driving 'round in the car to see new things is fine, as long as you know there is something you can call home to come back to.”

“Yes, I agree, but-”

“Yeah, and that means,” Dean didn't let himself be interrupted, “that after this move, that's it for me. They're gonna carry me out of the house on a stretcher when I'm old and grey and our grandkids annoy us by taking up all the rooms in our house and wanting us to cook for them every day.”

“Grandkids?” Cas asked, his voice scratching in his throat.

“Yep, at least half a dozen annoying brats,” Dean mused.

“You you want a big family? With me?” Cas' voice still didn't really work.

“No, Cas. With the pope. Because he'd be so thrilled about that,” Dean shoved him gently when they unlocked the door to their apartment. “Course with you, you wuss,” he shook his head about Cas' stupidity and put one of his old Zeppelin tapes into the vintage cassette tape deck he had allowed himself last week.

Cas heard a very soft song that was so deeply romantic that it definitely wouldn't help him to calm down again, particularly not when Dean captured him in his arms and whispered: “Zep's 'Thank You' is a perfect tune to walk down the aisle to, don't you think?”

“Better than a wobbly Elvis imitation for sure,” Cas hiccupped. “But I couldn't imagine a better honeymoon destination than the Nevada desert,” he smiled.

“In the rain?” Dean grinned, swaying them around in tune with the music.

“Of course,” Cas gave back, just when the last chord of the slow song faded and a new song started, with a blues rock guitar intro.

Dean started singing once the lyrics started: “I can't quit you, baby.”

“You'd better not,” Cas huffed, his hold on Dean tightening. “Not ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And last it's here, the end. Thanks y'all for being on this journey with me and I hope you had as good a time as I had. Thanks for your comments and time you took to read this. It's been a real pleasure. xox


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